Oh, Sarah!

So, as you may know, Sarah Palin (the nice lady who ran with John McCain for President, once upon a time) is resigning from her office as Governor of Alaska this month. Why? Because she wants to "pursue other goals." Well, today I read that she will continue her career in politics, just not as governor. Lots of people think that she's going to run for president in 2012.. Who knows. But given her recent trends, I wouldn't count her out just yet. She's reportedly going to be making quite a pretty penny on a lecturing tour across the country. I'm sure she won't be making too many stops at any HBCUs or any predominately black establishments that don't cough up money to hear her. (Why would they?)

Also, I've head through the ripe grapevine that she will be continuing her career by contributing in any way possible to other campaigns, both GOP and Democrat. Sound crazy? Not really. Let me explain. By doing this, she gains the support of both her own struggling party and the support of the Democrats. Sooo, if she does run for president, she'll have lots of powerful and wealthy people backing her. And given her (by that time) credentials, she'll look much more mature than the pretty lady we saw John McCain introduce to the world last year. I'm not saying she'll be a top contender (especially if Condolezza gets off her lazy behind and runs, or if the people still love Obama by that time) but she'll at least be taken more seriously.

So, for the record, I'm happy for her and wish her all the luck. (wow, did I say that out loud?)

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090712/ap_on_re_us/us_palin

the Inward Journey

Hello!

So, I've been on this new "inward journey" tip for the past week. Actually, I was on vacation. But it was oddly inspirational. I learned to put all the past trama in the trash and move on with my life. I've been coming across characters in fiction (books and movies) to whom I have taken a liking. They are strong male characters in their respective stories. They are happily satisfied with their lives and they are highly productive. What they have in common is that they all live by a set of rules. That is what I've learned that I must do: live by a set of rules. I need to set some boundaries and standards for myself and my lifestyle. No exceptions. That was my problem. Always making exceptions for people and bending to accomodate someone else's tastes. In reality, they should be striving to reach the bar I have set, not the other way around. So, that is what I have learned over the past week. Set rules. Here's the first one: Don't break the rules! All the subsequent ones are specific to certain situations like women, family, friends, and my goals in life. But they all should follow that first rule. Period.
I think I'll be happier now that I've discovered this.

Oh, and I'm thinking about downloading Wordpress. It looks much cooler than Blogger.

Peace and love.

Why Men Cheat

I need a man’s advice on something I’ve been dealing with for a long time, again and again. My question is very simple. Why do men cheat and think they can get away with it?
Sincerely,
Miss Take
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Dear Miss Take,

First of all, that’s a good question and you aren’t the only one dealing with that issue. Trust me on that one.

To answer your question, I must point of a few interesting things. First, you’re question may be simple, but the answer is complex. I hope you can swallow it. Second, why have you been dealing with this issue “again and again”? Did he cheat on you AGAIN? I’m glad you requested my opinion because some women would have told you that it was his fault that he cheated. Look again. How many times must he cheat on you for you to learn? No offense, but this happens all too much. He cheats, you forgive. He screws up again, you forgive. He thinks he can get away with it now, so you forgive him again! What is this?

I apologize. Now let me answer your question. And keep in mind that what I say in the following only applies to these good-for-nothing cheating men, not the decent men of the world.

First, why do mean cheat anyway? Good question. It can be for any variety of reasons. It all depends on the condition of the relationship and the people involved. Many men cheat simply because they feel that they can get away with it. It’s like cheating in class. If you know you can get away with cheating on a test, then why waste time studying? Just cheat. You’ll get your A anyway. So, women, if there are no punitive measures or repercussions for infidelity, then why should you expect him not to cheat? Don’t be upset if and when he does. Basically, it’s like you’re just letting him do whatever he wants to do. Maybe you should tighten your grip on your man. A dog shouldn’t be let off his leash, ever.

“But what if I trust him?” you ask. Oh please. Why would you trust a dog over your own intuition? Is his name Lassie? Didn’t think so. Ruff ruff!

Further, a man may cheat because you cheated on him first. This is very uncommon simply because the man is usually the one who cheats first. If the woman cheats first, she normally has a good reason to do so and she’ll never get caught. Women are brilliant, right? However, IF it is revealed that you have cheated on him, he’s going to do one of three things: (1) leave you; (2) cheat on you; or (3) a combination of the first two. Also, he’s probably going to want to fight the guy you slept with. He’ll probably lose the fight and look stupid in the process. I digress.

Why does he always get caught, you ask? We men-folk are inferior beings when it comes to the art of infidelity. We have not yet mastered it as have our female counterparts. Let’s look at it one way. Women are naturally the more organized sex. Hence, they will carefully plan out an act of infidelity so that the man will never even suspect something is going on. If he does suspect something, a woman will always have an alibi and a friend to back her up. Pure genius!

Men on the other hand…

Think of cavemen, homo sapien retardenesis. Rubbing rocks together, still trying to make fire and impress the other cavemen. Men are so busy trying to impress other men (yes, I said it correctly) and on the grind to be the first to get the “next best thing” that we sometimes forget to cover our tracks. It’s true. And we pay for our mistakes. Time and time again.

I’m running out of time.

In closing, I say this: choose better men. There are enough of them around. And to the men who are mad at this, do better.

Sincerely,
Doctor J

(one of my articles from The Maroon Tiger student newspaper '08)

The Next Step

“Let’s say you have a friend and you two have been kicking for a long while. Everything is going great. No drama; no stress; no confusion whatsoever. Should one press the issue of “what’s next” between the two of them? Or should they just let things play out as whatever happens, happens?”

This sounds interesting. Okay, so let me get the facts straight. You (I mean, your friend) and this “significant other” have developed some sort of relationship over time. When you said “kicking it”, I’m going to assume that they’ve been engaging in some sort of physical intimacy over a period of time. Further, that intimacy is going to require the sharing of some degree of mutual romantic emotion. Also, since you mentioned that everything was going well, it can be implied that both people get along very well together, kind of like two good friends. However, “kicking it for a long while” suggests that they’ve moved beyond the ‘just friends’ phase.

In other words, they like each other. They enjoy each other’s company. They are friends and unofficial lovers at the same time. And from what you said, it seems like that is working well for them. So why change something that works? Why change?

Change can be good or bad in the context of this situation. By pressing the issue of “what’s next”, the relationship they already have can possibly be strengthened. For instance, if I were in your situation and I decide to tell this young lady about the things I’ve been thinking about (i.e. “pressing THE issue”), she might actually feel relieved that I decided to open up to her. Many times, relationships fail because of poor communication. By withholding feelings, ideas, and thoughts, sometimes we limit our relationships. Productive relationships thrive on kinetic, not potential energy (for all you science majors). Unused potential is detrimental and unproductive. Overall, communication is critical to building all types of relationships.

With that said, too much communication could be a risky and bad thing. It really depends on the people involved in the situation. By showing all of your cards, or putting everything out in the open, the significant other might feel like you’re rushing things. He or she might even be frightened by the things you reveal. By “pressing the issue” to a person like this, they might actually become less comfortable around you, or worse, unfortunately. That’s the risk! Once you decide to start talking about “what’s next” and such, you risk the intimacy that has been developed between the two of you.

This is making your head spin. I know. But wait!

On the OTHER hand, being acquiescent and letting things play out is not necessarily the best idea either. Quite simply, you might completely miss your golden opportunity to tell him or her how you feel. If you really have a strong desire to move the relationship in a forward direction, then you shouldn’t be afraid to voice your opinion and justify your cause. Hesitate if you may; someone else will come along and justify THEIR cause. Your words will then fall on deaf ears. You’ll be forced into a timeless zone, reserved for those-who-had-the-opportunity-but-didn’t-take-it. You know some people like that don’t you? Do you really want to be like them? Right. So just go ahead and speak up.

Communication is inherently good. Even if he or she doesn’t react in the way you would like, at least you can always say that you got it off your chest and you tried to move the relationship forward.

My sound advice is to make sure you know the person you’re talking to and exactly what to say to them when the time comes. Some people are attracted to people who take risks and speak their mind. Some people are repelled by such actions. It all just depends on the person.

If all else fails, have a movie night. Watch the great film Love & Basketball with Sanaa Lathan (my ex-wife) and Omar Epps. It's a bit of a chick flick, but it helps.

Relationships in College

What is it with all these couples hanging around campus? It makes me sick. I just don’t understand why they are wasting time with each other. Everybody knows that college relationships don’t work. Right? So shouldn’t we be more focused on the real reason of being here in college – to get a good education?
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First of all, let’s get one thing straight. If this issue is really making you sick, then you definitely might want to go get that checked out. Stay healthy my brother.

It’s very difficult to maintain a romantic relationship in college. Many, if not most eventually fail. Why? Because college is a time for maximizing your potential for success and for developing your personality as an individual, a.k.a. “finding yourself”. You and I both know that the academic side of college is stressful even without the addition of trying to have a social life. So why do people even try to do this girlfriend/boyfriend thing? The answer is quite simple and is rooted in psychology. I’ll take this time to do a little teaching. Here is my theory.

Assuming that most of the students you see around campus are freshmen, the people you are referring to have just broken out of the adolescent stage. Adolescence is a stage at which we are neither a child nor an adult; life is definitely complex as we attempt to find our own identity, struggle with social interactions, and grapple with moral issues. According to psychological theory, freshmen (aged 18-19) have just begun their first stage of adulthood. This shift in stages also allows for and often demands a shift in which we form relationships with. In adolescence, we are introduced to relationships with peer-related groups. However, we seek more intimate relationships and “love” when we cross over into the adult phase.

Because freshman fall into this transition period, they are more apt to seek out intimate relationships with the great amount of opportunity made available to them during their first few months of college. Put a school full of freshman girls right next door to a school full of freshman guys experiencing this same emotional transitions and you’ve got a formula for some intense connection.

Also, take into consideration the fact that freshman year is a time to get acquainted with the people and environment with whom you will spend the next four (or so) years around. With all this in mind, there is no question that you should see guys and girls all “hugged up” around campus.

But it’s not that they aren’t focused on their studies, although too much “huggin’ up” will most likely cause neglect of academic work and lower performance (its proven!). It’s simply because they are just going through this transition period. As these freshmen mature and grow into the adult phase, which lasts until about 35 years of age, the need for this exploration and intimacy amongst peers will decrease. You don’t see many juniors and seniors engaged in this activity because they have adjusted to the collegiate environment and no longer crave the social interactions as do underclassmen. By the upperclassmen years, usually students are gearing up for long-term status relationships (if anything). Well, actually seniors are too busy trying to graduate for all that mess. But overall, it’s a psychological thing.

To wrap up, I just want to point out that there are pros and cons to any argument about college relationships. It is all relative to the people involved. Some work, some fail. Some people are just looking for easy sex; some people give in to them easily. Overall, don’t chastise people for being in a relationship. Respect the fact that it works for them.

Now, if you’re just angry because you can’t get a girl yourself, then brother… we might need to have a talk about some personal problems.

Disney Racism

My grandparents grew up with transistor radios blasting that old Motown sound and other sounds of cultural change. My parents grew up with color television, MTV, and other forms of media that introduced them to a visual world of various cultures never before seen from the comfort of the home. Each generational cohort is marked by a significant and symbolic innovation of cultural expression. It is no secret that my own generation followed suit with the creative phenomenon known as Disney.

Being the mega-vehicle for creative entertainment that it is, Disney has played an integral part in the cultural development of children, including myself, for decades. Also, because Disney has such a large influence on such a large amount of people, it can be assumed that it has used its media to convey certain messages about situations in life. People typically pattern themselves after a standard they feel is real and true – Buddha, Ghandi, Jesus, etcetera. However, in this case, Disney is that standard. The old adage is true, “with much power comes much responsibility.” The question is, has a powerhouse like Disney abused its authority and undermined its responsibility to children across the world?

Like the “Midas touch”, subliminal messaging and brainwashing is found in just about everything the media touches. Think back to a time when you found yourself unintentionally humming the tune to that irritating cereal commercial that got stuck in your head years ago. The generation of children born in the late 1980s to early 1990s – Generation Y – were happily tormented by an onslaught of these subliminal messages through the mass appeal and distribution of cartoons. At the forefront of the cartoon industry – and all other things that kids love – we find The Walt Disney Company. It would seem that Disney has had a monopoly on cartoons since the fifties when they created Mickey Mouse. The importance of this type of media to Generation Y is undeniable. Since the 1980s, the effectiveness of parent-child relationships has diminished as cartoons have uplifted children with a false sense of reality.

With the throng of the ‘great’ Disney movies in the 1990s, children were introduced and transported to fantastic worlds of happy endings, prince charmings, and magical beasts. Little girls waited impatiently for their “magic carpet ride” and dreamt of being whisked off their feet by a handsome Beast. Young boys hoped they would one day stalk their own fair-skinned Cinderella or maybe even free the legs of a red-headed mermaid. Without doubt, Disney films have crafted the most visually compelling expressions of morality and righteousness for kids and have carved themselves into the hearts of millions. But that’s just surface-level entertainment. What do we see when we plung deeper into the message of the films? Evident in such blockbusters as The Lion King, Aladdin, Beauty and the Beast, and Pocahontas, we find the most fantastic scheme ever devised to program racism, sexism, and blatant disregard for history into the minds of children.

(research-intensive explanation coming soon)

There's No Place Like Home

To many, the old saying: "Home is where the heart is" can be a stimulating motive for comfort and relief when feeling lonely or remote in the world. However, I believe like many things including love and beauty, a "home" and a "heart" can only be sufficiently defined by those attempting to define it. Hence, a home is in the eye of the beholder. I do believe that a home is the dwelling place of a heart and your home can only truly be defined by where your heart is located at a given time. Nevertheless, I have taken the aforementioned quote into my own hands and formed this hypothesis.

If a home is truly the dwelling place of a heart and in the heart we find the peacefulness of a home, then it is suggested that the two can be used interchangeably. The heart, much like the home, must be protected. In doing so, we must choose carefully who we let into our homes. We can't just allow anybody or anything to freely come and go as they/it please(s). When we do so, our hearts become less like homes, and more like houses. In other words, the heart becomes less pure and sincere, often even unconsciously. It becomes less comforting to those who abide in it.

A prolific balladeer once proclaimed that "A chair is still a chair...but a chair is not a house, and a house is not a home". This is true. Splenda will always be Splenda, but will never be real sugar. One is only a downgraded version of the other. Neither is perfect; however, one of them is pure. The song can be interpreted by different people in various ways. However, the main theme is concurrent with my hypothesis. A house will always be a house, but a house will never be as pure as a home/heart.

Further, a house is only temporary. If we continuously allow people to freely travel in an out of our homes as they please, we are allowing a sense of insecurity to fill us to the point where the term "house" doesn't even sufficiently fit the bill. At this point, a heart becomes somewhat of a "hotel". Or should I say "heartbreak hotel"? But what gets me, is that some people like this lifestyle of "hotel-hopping." One of my favorite teachers in high school told me once that I must create a small circle around me. This circle is meant only for me and God to reside. Period. Further out, there is a relatively larger circle, but by no means is it much bigger than the preceding. I cannot let just anyone into this circle - family is about all that would count here. Outside of this ring is the ambiguous circle of friends. This is where the line must be drawn... if I let too many people inside this ring (which is still relatively close to your innermost ring), then that's just more people than can hurt me or take my focus off what needs to be focused on. Look at what happened to Caesar. (laugh out loud.) I don't mean to sound pessimistic, but it's the truth.

Also, I'm not pointing fingers here. Read in between the lines. Like you, my heart is not a house. A house is not a home. Why? Because home is where my heart lives and I just can't let you inside.

Down Low Friends

So, I’m sitting in my office, The Brown Street Bench, one cloudy Thursday when a young brother comes up to me. He has a distraught look upon his face. Here’s what he said:

“I like to think that my views on life are pretty conservative. I love to debate and discourse on all sorts of topics, but I tend to steer away from those things which are taboo. Recently, I’ve noticed my best friend engaging in some very peculiar behavior. He’s been saying some weird things around me. To make a long story short, I think he is [on the down low]. I’m against homosexuality, but I really don’t want to lose a good friend. Should I confront him about it? Should I stop talking to him? What do I do?”

Here is what I told him:

Wow. It seems like you have a serious issue my brother. I can see the fragility in the situation already. Beware. Before you DO anything, you need to take some time out and THINK about what your plan of action is. There are a few steps in this process.

First, think about how you really feel about homosexuality and justify your reasoning. Make sure you do this; you wouldn’t want to offend him. I’m not going to tell you whether or not homosexuality is wrong. That is not my job here. But you need to develop an opinion of your own about the issue. And don’t tarry. Time is of the essence.

Second, does your friend know how you feel about homosexuality? Have you told him before? If so, then how did he react? His reaction to your opinion could be a decent indicator. If there was a conversation about the topic was it one-sided or did he also have an opinion? How does he feel about homosexuality? You might even want to ask how he feels about heterosexuality. I would do that as an ice breaker, eventually leading into a conversation about homosexuality.

Clearly, you are uncomfortable with him being homosexual, or the possibility thereof, or you wouldn’t have brought up the issue. Therefore, you are in fact uncomfortable with homosexuality to some degree. Why is that? Would it make a difference if he were not your close friend? And since he is your “best friend”, why does his sexuality matter? Better yet, of what concern is any man’s sexuality to you? [Breathe].

Take caution when approaching him about this. You can do it from a number of ways to make the situation seem less intense. Either way, you need to get the truth out of him. Right? But let me ask you this. Do you really want to know whether or not your boy is gay? If he is, will it change your friendship? Why? Do you think it would be better to not know? Is ignorance really bliss?

Enough questions, let me make a few points. If he is truly your friend, best friend at that, then the possibility of his homosexuality should not prompt a decline in the friendship. There is too much of this homophobic disinteraction on this campus and is detrimental to the foundation principles of this College. Don’t fall into that mix. Be more inclusive in your ideology and beliefs. Think for yourself. Don’t just think a certain way because someone told you to think that way. Are you willing to wager a friendship on something as trivial as his sexual preference? If so, then that says something about you sir.

My advice to you is to be accepting of him (if he is gay) and to use it as a tool to strengthen your friendship. Or, feel free to enjoy the joy of destroying a perfectly good friendship. I hope you don’t have a guilty conscience.

Sidenote: “Ignorance is bliss.”

The Man of Morehouse... of Today

1. He is arrogant and egocentric. The Morehouse man of today is a literal interpretation of the old agade, "You can tell a Morehouse Man, but you can't tell him much." He doesn't listen to you or any other person wiser than he because he is too lost in his own ego (or alter-ego). He does more talking than listening. He does more talking than walking. He thinks the world revolves around him and everything should be given to him on a silver platter just because he attends Morehouse. He operates under the philosophy that he is right and you are wrong. Period.

2. He is lazy. He probably comes from a middle to upper-class family in the suburbs, so he has never known first-hand struggle. His parents have done most of the housework all his life. Therefore, he believes that simple things (picking up trash, putting away dishes, walking) should be taken care of by someone other than he. He refuses to get his hands dirty. Why put away the dishes after lunch or dinner or breakfast when the cafeteria ladies will do it anyway? He'll just leave it there for the people who are paid to clean up after him. He litters the campus with party flyers and other frivolous trash and expects the custodians to clean up the mess he made. It's only right... Right?

3. His pants hang off of his ankles. Don't be fooled by his seemingly decent frontal appearance people. For once he turns around, you will be able to get a FULL flash of his rear or of his drawers. If not, he'll most likely pull up the back of his shirt and pull down his pants/shorts to expose what he feels needs to be shown. He'll wear designer underwear for the sole purpose of showing his rear off to all the other students he sees throughout the day. And keep in mind, he goes to an all-male school. IDK they come from, but I was raised to believe that this practice of sagging comes from prisons and implies a certain "availability" for other inmates. Some people think Morehouse is like prison anyway (Check #6).

4. Due to the previous, he cannot walk correctly. Looks like he's participating in a showdown from an old west movie... Clint Eastwood in chaps. I.e. You shouldn't walk this way unless you're wearing chaps and boots and spurs and carry around a revolver and drive authentic HORSEpower and pick up big breated white women at the saloon (some of them already do this).

5. He is narcissitic. He's a pretty boy and loves to look pretty. Cute. Attractive. Stylish. He thinks he loks better than you and snarls when he sees you "out of fashion." He has a disposable income but can't afford tuition and can't find the time or energy to rasie his GPA for a scholarship because he spent it all at Lenox on Tuesday afternoon. He spends hours a day in the mirror wondering if he looks and smells good enough to impress someone today. He is fully aware of the fact that he will not see any women today. Again, he goes to an all-male school.

6. He does a lot of complaining. He comes in as a freshman, complains about the things Morehouse doesn't have. Never once stops to appreciate what Morehouse DOES offer. Then justifies it by claiming that Morehoue is guilty of false advertising. He complains and complains, but never offers a solution to fix the issues of which he speaks. He only talks and gossips to his "friends" about these issues instead of bringing it up to someone with some power (i.e. God). He justifies this by claiming that administration doesn't listen, they aren't helpful, words fall on deaf ears. But he doesn't know because he's too afraid to approach them with such sillyness. He has no faith in the college, therefore will not contribute to the college's progess and well-being. He is like a pest or a speed bump to progress. Oh, and keeping with the tradition, he's too arrogant and egocentric to be told anything. (see #1)

7. He has no sense of chivalry. Because of #1, he does not fully appreciate or respect women. He feels he - man - is the superior being. He never thinks of how his actions and words will affect women. To him, she is only an object of sex and temporary pleasure. In his mind, there is a whole school of p***y right across the way, waiting to be plucked like a meadow of flowers for his taking. Like a flower, when she is plucked, a little piece of her dies with him. But what does he care? All he sees is a** and t****. He refuses to be seen walking her back to her room at night, or in the day. "She got here by herself, she can get home by herself," he thinks. He uses her over and over again. His so-called swag keeps her blinded to the truth and coming back for more thus continuing the cycle.

8. He does not respect women. This could be a whole note itself. I'll keep this brief. He puts his hands on her. He rapes her. He uses her for sex. She likes it and comes back for some more. He, not thinking about how she feels, demands sex from her. Pleasure is only meant for man, thus saith the Lord God. Women are cursed to have pain, not pleasure, in sex. Women should submit completely to the will of he who craves her. I mean, if she walks around wearing skimpy clothing and goes to the parties and grinds on every dude, she MUST want some of this good d***. She's thirsty. She's asking for it. She's drunk, she doesn't care. These are the principles he lives by.

9. He is all about "gettin' money." He is highly materialistic. His only reasons for being in college are: 1. 'cause Daddy told him to go to college; 2. 'cause Momma wanted him to go ot Morehouse; 3. to get a better job to make more money in the future. He probably majors in business so that he can learn how to make money, though this is not always true. He might major in English. Why? IDK. English majors dont make money after graduation. He does not care about learning or school, he just wants to get grades and move on. Graduate as quickly as possible. Why waste time actually learning about Anton Chekov, Carl Jung, Howard Thurman, W.E.B. DuBois, Ghandi, Shakespeare, Wordsworth, Descartes, and Niels Bohr? That stuff isn't revelant to him and isn't progressive toward his overall goal of "gettin' money." Who cares if he can't properly cite works in a research paper? In his mind, the love of money is the root of all happiness. Money is equated to success. Money will make him (a black man) equal to the white man, at least. This suggests that success is then equated to being on the level of white man. His self-worth is determined by how much money is in his pockets. To him, being rich is ALWAYS associated with money. He'd rather be unhappy with his job making $600,000 than be completely blissful making $40,000 a year. Money makes the world go 'round. (Oh, and remember, you can't reason with him.)

10. He brings the hood to the 'House. He is ignorant of contract theory. He does not believe that upon entering a certain society or microcosm, an individual must give up certain rights and behaviors. He believes that he must prove his masculinty and "coolness" or "swag" by creating LOUD and flamboyant expressions of himself around campus. He does not understand that dorms are places that are meant for studying and are located on college campuses to provide students with a comfortable and QUIET place to study. Sure, some people enjoy studying with music. SOME. This man will drive around campus, walk through hallways, or just bang loud music out of his room or car without regard for the students who are here doing what they are supposed to be doing. He has little or no regard for things like Reading Period or Douglass Hall. Everything must be turned into a social scene. Quiet study time is over-rated in his world. Keep in mind the previous examples, in that he probably doesnt care too much about his grades (or others), all he's worried about is "gettin money," he anticipates tonight's drunken naked party so that he can go and disrespect another woman, or he'll just throw a loud party in his dorm room during quiet hours.

11. He is insecure in so many ways. He feels he has to find ways of proving his masculinity to other students of the college. He's scared to have people thinking for a second that he may be homosexual, or less masculine. That just can't happen. He feels a need to "rep his hood" or his so-called hometown every other minute. This is why his so-called hometown has such a bad rep now. (hint: no one cares where you're from or what you do back home. you're here now like the rest of us so suck it up.) He wears his pants down to his ankles to be like the other guys who bring the hood into the 'House. They, in his opinion, are true men of Morehouse, or the colloqial "real niggas." They are popular. He wants to be like them. They get all the p***y. He wants to be like them so he disrepects women to feel like one of the guys. Besides, masculinity is now defined by how many hoes he can f**k and how much p***y he can get per month, right? He frequently hits and occasionally rapes women because he says that he's superior, but deep down, he knows he's insecure. So, he takes advantage of her weak-willedness to compensate for his lack. He walks around in the most expensive apparel, not just to impress other men, but to disguise the fact that he's not passing his classes. Nice clothes make the man. Expensive clothes and a shoe fetish makes him feel better about the world. He's so self-conscious, he can't even pronounce anything past Versace and Yves. Finally, money makes him happy. Money covers up all the problems in his life. Money makes him smile. Even the prospect of making money tomorrow makes him forget about the woes of today. He may not be passing but at least he's "gettin' paper." That's all that matters anyway. (serious financial issues notwithstanding)

12. He is most likely gay. And he'll most likely deny this allegation becuase of his insecurities (Check #11). And you can't argue or debate with him because he always has to be right (Check #1). Not judging the morality of homosexuality, it's just the truth.


P.S. I am by no means perfect, nor do I expect anyone else to be. I just wish that people would really take heart to this college that they claim to love and really contemplate the words of the College Hymn. Oh, and give back as alumni!!!

Prayer Is Not Magic

"What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear! What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer! O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear, all because we do not carry everything to God in prayer." Joesph Scriven, 1855

Have you ever felt used? Has there ever been a time when the people who meant most to you - your best friend, girlfriend, homie, mother, brother, sister, father, baby's daddy - just let you down? They used you up and re-used you like a dollar store battery (I'm not talking about the rechargeable ones) then threw you in the trash and left your spirit out to dry. You know what I'm talking about. They sat you out there like a raisin in the sun - broke, dirty, dry, sick and salty. And then what did you do? You went to church like your momma taught you to do when times got rough. And you walked up to the altar during Altar Call. And you asked the preacher to pray for you because you had let things get so bad, bleak, bold and belligerent that you had forgotten how to pray for yourself. So the preacher prays and you leave the altar only to find yourself walking right back into the same situation that had you there in the first time.

You curse God and the preacher because things didn't go your way. You loose confidence in faith and you stray from the doors of the church. You think God didn't answer you prayer. You think God didn't hear your voice. And even if He did, you ask yourself why He didn't do anything to pull you out of that situation or prevent another one from occuring. Well, to tell you the truth my brother or my sister, sometimes God just says No. It doesn't mean that God doesn't hear your prayer. "No" is a valid answer too.

I John 5:14-15 tells us, "Now this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us, whatever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we have asked of Him."

I remember those "Because I said so" days, years ago. You know what I'm talking about when you would go to the store with Momma or Grandma (I call her Momo) and you'd spot that great big action figure you want that you knew would make all the other kids jealous. Then you'd look at Momma and she would of course say "No!". And when you would make the mistake of asking "Why?", she would always give you that "look" followed by the familiar reply, "Because I said so!"

You always thought in your head (because you were too afraid to say it out loud) that "Because I said so" wasn't a good enough reason, but you never verbally questioned her authority because deep down inside you knew that she had your best interests at heart.

This is just like our relationship with God. God always has our bes interests at heart. But we have to adhere to His will. We have to have faith and trust that He has the power to answer all of our prayers and provide all of our needs. Sometimes, He will indeed say "No" to our wants, but it's only because He knows what's best for us. He knows what's in store for us in the future. Sometimes God does things "Because He said so" but rest assured that He'll never put more on you than you can bear. Nevertheless, He ALWAYS hears and answers prayer. (It's like part of His job description.)

Psalm 40:1 says "I waited patiently for the Lord; and He inclined unto me, and heard my cry."

But in order to recieve the fullness God's blessings (the answers to our prayers) we have to learn how to be patient.

With this, we visit the prophet Isaiah 40:31 who says, "But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint."

It tickles my nerves to hear people complain time and time again how they have prayed and they have prayed to a God who seemed deaf. Looking at it from their perpective, I suppose it's like calling 9-1-1 in the midst of an emergency and hanging up before anyone has a chance to answer the phone. All they had to do was wait a few more seconds and help would be on the way. People today always want things in a hurry. With everything from Broadband to Blackberries to Bluetooth it might seem that the race is in fact being given to the swift. Patience has begun to loose its purpose. Through all of this tehnological media megaspectacle what we've really failed to do is wait on the Lord.

We get down on our knees at night. We make our way up to the altar on Sunday morning. We pray once. We pray again, but we expect God to work like a light switch - "clap on, clap off." We expect God to hurry up and grant us our wishes the very moment we open our eyes and finish the prayer. We want Him to bless us when it's most convenient. We have this tumultous tendency to try to fit God into our busy schedule. What if God tried to "fit us in" when it was most convenient for Him? We esily forget that God created time and He too has a schedule. We have become conditioned to a sinful spirit of convenience, leisure, and luxury. But we cannot go to God like this. How can we expect God to respond to us when we don't come at Him correctly? But thankfully, God still answers prayer. The song says "What a privilege it is to carry everything God in prayer!" God does not work when WE want Him to work. God is not a magician; prayer is not magic! Let me explain the difference.

Magic is the systematic conception of a practice that asserts the human ability to control or alter the natural or physical world. Magic is supernatural, paranormal, psychological, and mystical. In other words, magic is when people start saying things in hopes that their words will change nature. Magic lacks one thing - faith!

Prayer, on the other hand, is the practice of using language to speak to a higher power with faith that the being will, in time, answer your call. You see, there is no God in magic. Magic is dependent on the individual. Prayer, however, is dependent on faith.

This may be difficult to digest and hard to understand. But prayer and magic are two different things. Prayer depends on you to trust that God will pick you up when you fall, renew your strength and mount you up on wings like eagles to run and not be weary, walk and not faint! You cannot just say some fancy incantation, snap your fingers and expect the Almighty God to show up like a butler at your every whim. This God, the God of Abraham, Moses, King and Obama, does not reside in some intricate lamp in some desert. This God does not show as a head up in any crystal balls. My God might not show up when I want Him to, but He's always right on time. He alwys answeres my prayers in my best interests. The God I serve does not serve me. I was created to magnify Him!

To recieve God's blessings, we must not rush His work. He knows exactly what's on our hearts and our minds. Actually, He's already fixed it! But you have to believe it. Claim it. That blessing is yours!

Pray with me.
Our Father and our God, when I, in awesome wonder, consider all you've done for me, I pray that you would keep me in your loving arms. I know I've strayed from the path you've laid down for me in your Word time and time again and I aknowledge the fact that you've made me over time and time again. Through it all, Lord you've never left my side. Although I don't deserve it, you keep on blessing me, time and time again. There is nothing more I can ask for so I just come to you in humble thanks. Thank you for everything you have done for me then, now, and in advance. Lord you are the source of my strength. Because of you, I have hope and joy. Because of your grace and your mercy and your forgiveness, I can sit here and tell thank you. Your love covered me even though I neglected you. You never gave up on me and from this point on, I promise to never again give up on you Lord. Thank you for giving your only son, Christ Jesus, for the purpose of my salvation. It is in that most high name that I pray. Amen.

Is Gay The Way?

Although America firmly calls herself a nation of freedom and equality, she has historically been one to forget that actions speak louder than words. America as a whole is very conservative, and just like any small group that tries to challenge the institutions of a larger entity, there will be struggle. With that said, flamboyant, purse-toting, weave-wearing, sterotypical expessions of homosexuality are obviously degrading and counter-productive to the positive image that many homosexuals attempt to convey to this anti-homosexual society. Because of this reason, it is no secret that some homosexuals are offended by what they see around [campus].

To compare, pant-sagging, gold teeth-wearing, chain-rocking, rim-spinning, weed-smoking niggas are stereotypical expressions that seek to degrade the image of a black man. It is also no secret that many black men are offended by these and many other sterotypes that cloud an otherwise positive image.

Neither are acceptable in the notion of professionalism that Morehouse tries to uphold. Dr. Franklin's vision to promote the Renaissance Man calls for a man who is well dressed. People will make assumptions about you from the moment they see you. They will size you up and think they've got you all figured out before you even open your mouth or offer to shake their hand. Most of the time this practice is unconscious, but the point is - they do! Whether you've got on a suit or a scarf, a briefcase of a Bible, people will judge you. It doesn't even matter how smart you are or how well-spoken you may be. It happens. Moreover, when you enter a professional environment, whether you're gay or straight, you are expected to behave a certain way. Period. We all have to make some sacrifice.

Although each had his own unique approach to contractarianism, philosophers Thomas Hobbes, John Rawls, and Jean-Jacques Rousseau collectively agreed that the individual must give up certain things - rights - in order to live in and contibute to the progress of a [just] society. If Morehouse is such a society, then must we not put aside our individual egotism for the prosperity of the general good will or the "greater good" of the College? This "greater good" is the foundations that this institution was built on. It is the vision of our President, our leader. Should we undermine this vision and these ideals for our own glory? What statement are you trying to make?

The aforementioned philosophers maintained what became the backbone of the notion of democracy - a government for the people, of and/or by the people. America is a democracy and it, like most things, operates in a give-take relationship. In short, you have to give something in order to receive. Or in other words, if you refuse to give or contribute, don't expect to recieve. By undermining the vision of our Presdent and the ideals of our institution, we are not contributing to progress. We are not upholding our end of the bargain. In the corporate world, when you go against the rules of the company, you get fired. Now what if Morehouse did the same? Luckily we don't. Anyway, it's all counter-productivity. It stints the growth and progress of the ideals that Morehouse sets forth.

To conclude, just like we frown upon sagging jeans and use of the word 'nigga' to refer to each other on campus, we also disclaim the homosexual flamboyancy of purse-toting and use of the word 'bitch' to refer to one another. Both are detrimental to the image of black men that Morehouse seeks to convey and produce to the world. I also want to point out that this image is not one of discrimination and prejudice toward anyone in the LGBT community. We want to be Renaissance Men with a social conscious. We strive to be well traveled, well read, well dressed, and well spoken. We want to be at the forefront of producing a powerful, lasting, and positive image of the educated black man to the entire world. Quite simply, that lasting image of a black man should not include a purse. For the record, I am not condemning homosexuality at all, but Morehouse does not seek to promote or produce men who flamboyantly seek to be women. There is a time and a place for everything. This is not the place.

The Morehouse Crown of Conformity

Morehouse has a vision for the "ideal man." The vision is very biased. It was dreamed up in a vacuum. It can only be applied to her students and to other intellectuals in the black community and those few who happen to be sensitive to its needs. Yes, Morehouse places a crown above her students' heads etc... The harsh truth is that Morehouse really places a cookie cutter around some fresh dough (i.e. the incoming freshman) and forces that dough to conform to its cold, rigid shape. This conformity includes, but isn't limited to forcing a blind Africentric ideology on her students. Don't get me wrong, we as descendants of the members of the African Diaspora/MAAFA need to know from whence we came. It is a terrible calamity to try to solve the problems of today and prepare for the issues of tomorrow while being ignorant of the past. But this Africentric thought is blind because it fails to teach students how to utilize this knowledge in a Eurocentric world.

Morehouse also teaches her students complacency. It, in a sense, leaves students blind. Men of Morehouse are taught theories on why we should "go back to our African roots." The plain truth is that we as African Americans are so far removed from the indigenous African cultures that even they would likely reject us and us, them. Furthermore, we as African Americans as so far inbred with Eurocentric ideology that we frown upon the so-called primitiveness that is traditional African culture. In other words, black people in America are too materialistic to even comprehend a life lived in the way our African counterparts live. We are either too ignorant of our past or too arrogant to pay attention to it. With that said, I find it necessary to cease rhetoric on another Garvey "back to Africa" movement. It's pointless. I find it virtually impossible or futile to make attempts at trying to re-connect with our African self-identity. It seems that when we do, we take it too far and create a segregationist perspective on life.

As African American men of Morehouse, we need to be pioneers in the identification, creation, and nourishment of our own identity as blacks in America while still finding ways to honor our African ancestry. That does not mean that we need to be like the African people or our ancestors. That is not progressive behavior. There needs to be a stop to the excuses we use for our behavior and a stop to the teaching of these excuses to our children. We need to stop using slavery as a crutch. We need to stop using pan-Africanism as a crutch. We need to stop using the Diaspora as a crutch. Morehouse needs to teach her students how to develop this dysfunctional entity that is the black community. Morehouse needs to be at the forefront of this development. Being knowledgeable about African history/worldview is very essential, but application to issues going on in the black community is more urgent. This application is missing in the Morehouse mystique. Morehouse needs to stop complaining and making comparisons and actually do something. Be the change you want to see.

What's more, I think that one can earn a lifetime experience here. Morehouse can be a very enriching environment. It is not the same institution that Mays, King and Thurman once knew; however, it can be an institution of the next great leader-who-has-yet-to-be-named. Morehouse has become a school of conformity. No, not conformity to the outside world, but conformity to and within herself. She attempts to make her students conform to this "crown" that not all students are able or willing to conform to. But Morehouse lends only a deaf ear to those fateful students. And what happens to those brilliant black men who have been left behind by choosing not to conform to the rules; to the standards; to the mystique of that 'Old Morehouse Spirit', you ask? Morehouse subsequently leaves those brothers out to dry. Their dough simply could not grow correctly into that cold cookie cutter mold. Now ask yourself, is that the Morehouse your mother told you about?

This behavior is evident in the admissions process comparative to Spelman College. Spelman is much like a sorority. She seeks young women who are, in a sense, already Spelmanites. Once they get to the school, the girls are first given a rigid foundation, but then they are given the opportunity to create innovative ideas on their own that will impact society. (Mind you, Spelman does have her strict rules of conformity as well.) On the other hand, Morehouse seeks out young men who just might have the potential to be the quintessential Morehouse Men. Hence you see some students at Morehouse who look just like the people on Lowery Street versus the students at Spelman who pretty much look like the 'stereotypical' Spelmanite (I mean that in a good way btw). Morehouse then uses this "crown" concept to justify her principles of conformity through a forced curriculum and legacy. In a comparative light, Morehouse doesn't allow for the expansion of the massive creative vehicle that is the African American male psyche. Mother Morehouse feeds the spirit at the tragic expense of the loss of an innovative mind. Upon matriculation, every Man of Morehouse expands into that same old crown, then walks away with a degree four years later. Simple as that.

This Man of Morehouse of today has lost his identity as a true leader and non-conformist. Sadly, the only popular identity of a Morehouse Man known is the Dr. King model. Dr. King has somehow become the standard of a Morehouse Man. Period. The issue is that the world of today may not need another King. The world could just need another real Morehouse Man who will stand up to the clones of communal conformity and offer insight to international injustice. The current Morehouse Man has indeed fulfilled the old adage, "you can tell Morehouse Man, but you cant tell him much." However, we have twisted that saying to become complacent with the misfortunes of black community and have become increasingly arrogant in our dealings. There must be a change in the psyche of these, our men of Morehouse.

In closing, I profess that Morehouse does have the potential to be great. But potential energy is only kinetic energy waiting to happen. I also claim that you can get a filling greatness out of Morehouse only if you put an equal greatness into her. For every action there is an equal and opposing reaction. There is a lot of positivity going on around Morehouse and I am proud of it. The things you can and will learn here will be valuable on your journey as a man long after you have earned your last degree, written your last book, taught your last class, or delivered you final oration. I say this to my young brothers and Men of Morehouse: don't just reach for the stars, be different and discover new ones. I propose an amendment to the "crown" concept: What Morehouse does is implant a seed into her children. Perseverance, commitment and diligence will cause that seed to germinate. You'll discover yourself here and carry that seed of social justice, innovation, and fraternity with you all the days of your life. And that, my brother, is what Morehouse does do right.

Valentine's Day is Everyday!

“Oh, if it be to choose and call thee mine, love, thou art every day my Valentine!” Thomas Hood’s eloquent words reign true for some and fall deaf on many. It is no secret that the fourteenth day of this Black History month has been sweetened by ruby red lingerie and dipped in sensual brown chocolate. For it is a day marked by romantic expression. It is a special season where we get to show off and show our Significant Others how significant they really are.

It’s that time of year where it’s “okay” to splurge a little. A crimson red box of 14 scrumptious chocolate delectables never hurt anyone. Remember those colorful little sweet-heart candies with messages like “I LIKE YOU” and “BE MINE” that left you smiling all day? We’ve all experienced some level of bliss on this supposedly magical day of romance and affection – well, maybe not all of us.

But many people do know what it feels like to be in love and how it feels to be able to enjoy the sweetness with their so-called sweetheart. For those who haven’t experienced it, keep living.

In the midst of the sugar, spice, and everything nice associated with this holiday, has this sacred day of Eros been misconstrued and over-popularized? Valentine’s Day has somehow invaded our romances by allowing the expression of love to become superficial and false. Let me explain.

Valentine’s Day should be everyday. If you truly feel the way that you claim to feel about your lady/guy, then you shouldn’t restrict the expression of those feelings to a single day. Every year I see guys spending ridiculous amounts of money on girls for this occasion. Then the next day, it’s business as usual. What is this?? It says: “I will show people that I love you on Valentine’s Day and not any other day. Showing affection on other days of the year is pointless. I only love you on Valentine’s Day. etc.” Sound crazy? That’s the image you’re exhibiting.

“So, I’m just not supposed to get her anything for Valentine’s Day?” That’s not what I’m saying at all.

Listen. If you’re going to give her something for Valentine’s Day, I mean if you’re going to go way out, then why don’t you show that kind of devotion on the other days of the year?

But since you just HAVE to get her something, think about this. There’s nothing that says “I Love You” more than showing her you do through proper use of “just because” gifts.

Try this: On a random day, go buy her some roses – a dozen red ones – early in the morning. At some point in the day, “randomly” bump into her. Kiss her on the cheek with the roses in hand. Surprise! When she asks who they are for, tell her they are for her – just because. It works! Trust me. Add your own creative spin to it if you want. You can’t mess this up!

If you really care for your lover, remind them of this every day - every last 365 of them.

A young lady approached me with this argument today: “I don’t want to feel left out on Valentine’s Day when everybody else is getting nice things.” Is that how you really feel? Here’s the remedy.

Don’t let him treat you like a convenient Valentine partner. If you and your lover/significant other treat every day like its Valentine’s Day, then you won’t have this problem. You won’t feel left out because, unlike the rest of the girls you see, your man will have treated you like a princess everyday.

To those of you who have never experienced it and those who have negative views of V-Day, maybe you too will find love at some point this year when everyone else stops making it such a big deal.

This Valentine’s season, think about what he or she really means to you. If he really loves you the way he says he loves you and if she cares for you the way she claims she does, then Thomas Hood was right. “Thou art every day my Valentine!”