Down Low Friends

So, I’m sitting in my office, The Brown Street Bench, one cloudy Thursday when a young brother comes up to me. He has a distraught look upon his face. Here’s what he said:

“I like to think that my views on life are pretty conservative. I love to debate and discourse on all sorts of topics, but I tend to steer away from those things which are taboo. Recently, I’ve noticed my best friend engaging in some very peculiar behavior. He’s been saying some weird things around me. To make a long story short, I think he is [on the down low]. I’m against homosexuality, but I really don’t want to lose a good friend. Should I confront him about it? Should I stop talking to him? What do I do?”

Here is what I told him:

Wow. It seems like you have a serious issue my brother. I can see the fragility in the situation already. Beware. Before you DO anything, you need to take some time out and THINK about what your plan of action is. There are a few steps in this process.

First, think about how you really feel about homosexuality and justify your reasoning. Make sure you do this; you wouldn’t want to offend him. I’m not going to tell you whether or not homosexuality is wrong. That is not my job here. But you need to develop an opinion of your own about the issue. And don’t tarry. Time is of the essence.

Second, does your friend know how you feel about homosexuality? Have you told him before? If so, then how did he react? His reaction to your opinion could be a decent indicator. If there was a conversation about the topic was it one-sided or did he also have an opinion? How does he feel about homosexuality? You might even want to ask how he feels about heterosexuality. I would do that as an ice breaker, eventually leading into a conversation about homosexuality.

Clearly, you are uncomfortable with him being homosexual, or the possibility thereof, or you wouldn’t have brought up the issue. Therefore, you are in fact uncomfortable with homosexuality to some degree. Why is that? Would it make a difference if he were not your close friend? And since he is your “best friend”, why does his sexuality matter? Better yet, of what concern is any man’s sexuality to you? [Breathe].

Take caution when approaching him about this. You can do it from a number of ways to make the situation seem less intense. Either way, you need to get the truth out of him. Right? But let me ask you this. Do you really want to know whether or not your boy is gay? If he is, will it change your friendship? Why? Do you think it would be better to not know? Is ignorance really bliss?

Enough questions, let me make a few points. If he is truly your friend, best friend at that, then the possibility of his homosexuality should not prompt a decline in the friendship. There is too much of this homophobic disinteraction on this campus and is detrimental to the foundation principles of this College. Don’t fall into that mix. Be more inclusive in your ideology and beliefs. Think for yourself. Don’t just think a certain way because someone told you to think that way. Are you willing to wager a friendship on something as trivial as his sexual preference? If so, then that says something about you sir.

My advice to you is to be accepting of him (if he is gay) and to use it as a tool to strengthen your friendship. Or, feel free to enjoy the joy of destroying a perfectly good friendship. I hope you don’t have a guilty conscience.

Sidenote: “Ignorance is bliss.”