I need a man’s advice on something I’ve been dealing with for a long time, again and again. My question is very simple. Why do men cheat and think they can get away with it?
Sincerely,
Miss Take
.....................................................................................................................................................................
Dear Miss Take,
First of all, that’s a good question and you aren’t the only one dealing with that issue. Trust me on that one.
To answer your question, I must point of a few interesting things. First, you’re question may be simple, but the answer is complex. I hope you can swallow it. Second, why have you been dealing with this issue “again and again”? Did he cheat on you AGAIN? I’m glad you requested my opinion because some women would have told you that it was his fault that he cheated. Look again. How many times must he cheat on you for you to learn? No offense, but this happens all too much. He cheats, you forgive. He screws up again, you forgive. He thinks he can get away with it now, so you forgive him again! What is this?
I apologize. Now let me answer your question. And keep in mind that what I say in the following only applies to these good-for-nothing cheating men, not the decent men of the world.
First, why do mean cheat anyway? Good question. It can be for any variety of reasons. It all depends on the condition of the relationship and the people involved. Many men cheat simply because they feel that they can get away with it. It’s like cheating in class. If you know you can get away with cheating on a test, then why waste time studying? Just cheat. You’ll get your A anyway. So, women, if there are no punitive measures or repercussions for infidelity, then why should you expect him not to cheat? Don’t be upset if and when he does. Basically, it’s like you’re just letting him do whatever he wants to do. Maybe you should tighten your grip on your man. A dog shouldn’t be let off his leash, ever.
“But what if I trust him?” you ask. Oh please. Why would you trust a dog over your own intuition? Is his name Lassie? Didn’t think so. Ruff ruff!
Further, a man may cheat because you cheated on him first. This is very uncommon simply because the man is usually the one who cheats first. If the woman cheats first, she normally has a good reason to do so and she’ll never get caught. Women are brilliant, right? However, IF it is revealed that you have cheated on him, he’s going to do one of three things: (1) leave you; (2) cheat on you; or (3) a combination of the first two. Also, he’s probably going to want to fight the guy you slept with. He’ll probably lose the fight and look stupid in the process. I digress.
Why does he always get caught, you ask? We men-folk are inferior beings when it comes to the art of infidelity. We have not yet mastered it as have our female counterparts. Let’s look at it one way. Women are naturally the more organized sex. Hence, they will carefully plan out an act of infidelity so that the man will never even suspect something is going on. If he does suspect something, a woman will always have an alibi and a friend to back her up. Pure genius!
Men on the other hand…
Think of cavemen, homo sapien retardenesis. Rubbing rocks together, still trying to make fire and impress the other cavemen. Men are so busy trying to impress other men (yes, I said it correctly) and on the grind to be the first to get the “next best thing” that we sometimes forget to cover our tracks. It’s true. And we pay for our mistakes. Time and time again.
I’m running out of time.
In closing, I say this: choose better men. There are enough of them around. And to the men who are mad at this, do better.
Sincerely,
Doctor J
(one of my articles from The Maroon Tiger student newspaper '08)
Showing posts with label Men. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Men. Show all posts
7.11.2009
Down Low Friends
So, I’m sitting in my office, The Brown Street Bench, one cloudy Thursday when a young brother comes up to me. He has a distraught look upon his face. Here’s what he said:
“I like to think that my views on life are pretty conservative. I love to debate and discourse on all sorts of topics, but I tend to steer away from those things which are taboo. Recently, I’ve noticed my best friend engaging in some very peculiar behavior. He’s been saying some weird things around me. To make a long story short, I think he is [on the down low]. I’m against homosexuality, but I really don’t want to lose a good friend. Should I confront him about it? Should I stop talking to him? What do I do?”
Here is what I told him:
Wow. It seems like you have a serious issue my brother. I can see the fragility in the situation already. Beware. Before you DO anything, you need to take some time out and THINK about what your plan of action is. There are a few steps in this process.
First, think about how you really feel about homosexuality and justify your reasoning. Make sure you do this; you wouldn’t want to offend him. I’m not going to tell you whether or not homosexuality is wrong. That is not my job here. But you need to develop an opinion of your own about the issue. And don’t tarry. Time is of the essence.
Second, does your friend know how you feel about homosexuality? Have you told him before? If so, then how did he react? His reaction to your opinion could be a decent indicator. If there was a conversation about the topic was it one-sided or did he also have an opinion? How does he feel about homosexuality? You might even want to ask how he feels about heterosexuality. I would do that as an ice breaker, eventually leading into a conversation about homosexuality.
Clearly, you are uncomfortable with him being homosexual, or the possibility thereof, or you wouldn’t have brought up the issue. Therefore, you are in fact uncomfortable with homosexuality to some degree. Why is that? Would it make a difference if he were not your close friend? And since he is your “best friend”, why does his sexuality matter? Better yet, of what concern is any man’s sexuality to you? [Breathe].
Take caution when approaching him about this. You can do it from a number of ways to make the situation seem less intense. Either way, you need to get the truth out of him. Right? But let me ask you this. Do you really want to know whether or not your boy is gay? If he is, will it change your friendship? Why? Do you think it would be better to not know? Is ignorance really bliss?
Enough questions, let me make a few points. If he is truly your friend, best friend at that, then the possibility of his homosexuality should not prompt a decline in the friendship. There is too much of this homophobic disinteraction on this campus and is detrimental to the foundation principles of this College. Don’t fall into that mix. Be more inclusive in your ideology and beliefs. Think for yourself. Don’t just think a certain way because someone told you to think that way. Are you willing to wager a friendship on something as trivial as his sexual preference? If so, then that says something about you sir.
My advice to you is to be accepting of him (if he is gay) and to use it as a tool to strengthen your friendship. Or, feel free to enjoy the joy of destroying a perfectly good friendship. I hope you don’t have a guilty conscience.
Sidenote: “Ignorance is bliss.”
“I like to think that my views on life are pretty conservative. I love to debate and discourse on all sorts of topics, but I tend to steer away from those things which are taboo. Recently, I’ve noticed my best friend engaging in some very peculiar behavior. He’s been saying some weird things around me. To make a long story short, I think he is [on the down low]. I’m against homosexuality, but I really don’t want to lose a good friend. Should I confront him about it? Should I stop talking to him? What do I do?”
Here is what I told him:
Wow. It seems like you have a serious issue my brother. I can see the fragility in the situation already. Beware. Before you DO anything, you need to take some time out and THINK about what your plan of action is. There are a few steps in this process.
First, think about how you really feel about homosexuality and justify your reasoning. Make sure you do this; you wouldn’t want to offend him. I’m not going to tell you whether or not homosexuality is wrong. That is not my job here. But you need to develop an opinion of your own about the issue. And don’t tarry. Time is of the essence.
Second, does your friend know how you feel about homosexuality? Have you told him before? If so, then how did he react? His reaction to your opinion could be a decent indicator. If there was a conversation about the topic was it one-sided or did he also have an opinion? How does he feel about homosexuality? You might even want to ask how he feels about heterosexuality. I would do that as an ice breaker, eventually leading into a conversation about homosexuality.
Clearly, you are uncomfortable with him being homosexual, or the possibility thereof, or you wouldn’t have brought up the issue. Therefore, you are in fact uncomfortable with homosexuality to some degree. Why is that? Would it make a difference if he were not your close friend? And since he is your “best friend”, why does his sexuality matter? Better yet, of what concern is any man’s sexuality to you? [Breathe].
Take caution when approaching him about this. You can do it from a number of ways to make the situation seem less intense. Either way, you need to get the truth out of him. Right? But let me ask you this. Do you really want to know whether or not your boy is gay? If he is, will it change your friendship? Why? Do you think it would be better to not know? Is ignorance really bliss?
Enough questions, let me make a few points. If he is truly your friend, best friend at that, then the possibility of his homosexuality should not prompt a decline in the friendship. There is too much of this homophobic disinteraction on this campus and is detrimental to the foundation principles of this College. Don’t fall into that mix. Be more inclusive in your ideology and beliefs. Think for yourself. Don’t just think a certain way because someone told you to think that way. Are you willing to wager a friendship on something as trivial as his sexual preference? If so, then that says something about you sir.
My advice to you is to be accepting of him (if he is gay) and to use it as a tool to strengthen your friendship. Or, feel free to enjoy the joy of destroying a perfectly good friendship. I hope you don’t have a guilty conscience.
Sidenote: “Ignorance is bliss.”
5.03.2009
The Man of Morehouse... of Today
1. He is arrogant and egocentric. The Morehouse man of today is a literal interpretation of the old agade, "You can tell a Morehouse Man, but you can't tell him much." He doesn't listen to you or any other person wiser than he because he is too lost in his own ego (or alter-ego). He does more talking than listening. He does more talking than walking. He thinks the world revolves around him and everything should be given to him on a silver platter just because he attends Morehouse. He operates under the philosophy that he is right and you are wrong. Period.
2. He is lazy. He probably comes from a middle to upper-class family in the suburbs, so he has never known first-hand struggle. His parents have done most of the housework all his life. Therefore, he believes that simple things (picking up trash, putting away dishes, walking) should be taken care of by someone other than he. He refuses to get his hands dirty. Why put away the dishes after lunch or dinner or breakfast when the cafeteria ladies will do it anyway? He'll just leave it there for the people who are paid to clean up after him. He litters the campus with party flyers and other frivolous trash and expects the custodians to clean up the mess he made. It's only right... Right?
3. His pants hang off of his ankles. Don't be fooled by his seemingly decent frontal appearance people. For once he turns around, you will be able to get a FULL flash of his rear or of his drawers. If not, he'll most likely pull up the back of his shirt and pull down his pants/shorts to expose what he feels needs to be shown. He'll wear designer underwear for the sole purpose of showing his rear off to all the other students he sees throughout the day. And keep in mind, he goes to an all-male school. IDK they come from, but I was raised to believe that this practice of sagging comes from prisons and implies a certain "availability" for other inmates. Some people think Morehouse is like prison anyway (Check #6).
4. Due to the previous, he cannot walk correctly. Looks like he's participating in a showdown from an old west movie... Clint Eastwood in chaps. I.e. You shouldn't walk this way unless you're wearing chaps and boots and spurs and carry around a revolver and drive authentic HORSEpower and pick up big breated white women at the saloon (some of them already do this).
5. He is narcissitic. He's a pretty boy and loves to look pretty. Cute. Attractive. Stylish. He thinks he loks better than you and snarls when he sees you "out of fashion." He has a disposable income but can't afford tuition and can't find the time or energy to rasie his GPA for a scholarship because he spent it all at Lenox on Tuesday afternoon. He spends hours a day in the mirror wondering if he looks and smells good enough to impress someone today. He is fully aware of the fact that he will not see any women today. Again, he goes to an all-male school.
6. He does a lot of complaining. He comes in as a freshman, complains about the things Morehouse doesn't have. Never once stops to appreciate what Morehouse DOES offer. Then justifies it by claiming that Morehoue is guilty of false advertising. He complains and complains, but never offers a solution to fix the issues of which he speaks. He only talks and gossips to his "friends" about these issues instead of bringing it up to someone with some power (i.e. God). He justifies this by claiming that administration doesn't listen, they aren't helpful, words fall on deaf ears. But he doesn't know because he's too afraid to approach them with such sillyness. He has no faith in the college, therefore will not contribute to the college's progess and well-being. He is like a pest or a speed bump to progress. Oh, and keeping with the tradition, he's too arrogant and egocentric to be told anything. (see #1)
7. He has no sense of chivalry. Because of #1, he does not fully appreciate or respect women. He feels he - man - is the superior being. He never thinks of how his actions and words will affect women. To him, she is only an object of sex and temporary pleasure. In his mind, there is a whole school of p***y right across the way, waiting to be plucked like a meadow of flowers for his taking. Like a flower, when she is plucked, a little piece of her dies with him. But what does he care? All he sees is a** and t****. He refuses to be seen walking her back to her room at night, or in the day. "She got here by herself, she can get home by herself," he thinks. He uses her over and over again. His so-called swag keeps her blinded to the truth and coming back for more thus continuing the cycle.
8. He does not respect women. This could be a whole note itself. I'll keep this brief. He puts his hands on her. He rapes her. He uses her for sex. She likes it and comes back for some more. He, not thinking about how she feels, demands sex from her. Pleasure is only meant for man, thus saith the Lord God. Women are cursed to have pain, not pleasure, in sex. Women should submit completely to the will of he who craves her. I mean, if she walks around wearing skimpy clothing and goes to the parties and grinds on every dude, she MUST want some of this good d***. She's thirsty. She's asking for it. She's drunk, she doesn't care. These are the principles he lives by.
9. He is all about "gettin' money." He is highly materialistic. His only reasons for being in college are: 1. 'cause Daddy told him to go to college; 2. 'cause Momma wanted him to go ot Morehouse; 3. to get a better job to make more money in the future. He probably majors in business so that he can learn how to make money, though this is not always true. He might major in English. Why? IDK. English majors dont make money after graduation. He does not care about learning or school, he just wants to get grades and move on. Graduate as quickly as possible. Why waste time actually learning about Anton Chekov, Carl Jung, Howard Thurman, W.E.B. DuBois, Ghandi, Shakespeare, Wordsworth, Descartes, and Niels Bohr? That stuff isn't revelant to him and isn't progressive toward his overall goal of "gettin' money." Who cares if he can't properly cite works in a research paper? In his mind, the love of money is the root of all happiness. Money is equated to success. Money will make him (a black man) equal to the white man, at least. This suggests that success is then equated to being on the level of white man. His self-worth is determined by how much money is in his pockets. To him, being rich is ALWAYS associated with money. He'd rather be unhappy with his job making $600,000 than be completely blissful making $40,000 a year. Money makes the world go 'round. (Oh, and remember, you can't reason with him.)
10. He brings the hood to the 'House. He is ignorant of contract theory. He does not believe that upon entering a certain society or microcosm, an individual must give up certain rights and behaviors. He believes that he must prove his masculinty and "coolness" or "swag" by creating LOUD and flamboyant expressions of himself around campus. He does not understand that dorms are places that are meant for studying and are located on college campuses to provide students with a comfortable and QUIET place to study. Sure, some people enjoy studying with music. SOME. This man will drive around campus, walk through hallways, or just bang loud music out of his room or car without regard for the students who are here doing what they are supposed to be doing. He has little or no regard for things like Reading Period or Douglass Hall. Everything must be turned into a social scene. Quiet study time is over-rated in his world. Keep in mind the previous examples, in that he probably doesnt care too much about his grades (or others), all he's worried about is "gettin money," he anticipates tonight's drunken naked party so that he can go and disrespect another woman, or he'll just throw a loud party in his dorm room during quiet hours.
11. He is insecure in so many ways. He feels he has to find ways of proving his masculinity to other students of the college. He's scared to have people thinking for a second that he may be homosexual, or less masculine. That just can't happen. He feels a need to "rep his hood" or his so-called hometown every other minute. This is why his so-called hometown has such a bad rep now. (hint: no one cares where you're from or what you do back home. you're here now like the rest of us so suck it up.) He wears his pants down to his ankles to be like the other guys who bring the hood into the 'House. They, in his opinion, are true men of Morehouse, or the colloqial "real niggas." They are popular. He wants to be like them. They get all the p***y. He wants to be like them so he disrepects women to feel like one of the guys. Besides, masculinity is now defined by how many hoes he can f**k and how much p***y he can get per month, right? He frequently hits and occasionally rapes women because he says that he's superior, but deep down, he knows he's insecure. So, he takes advantage of her weak-willedness to compensate for his lack. He walks around in the most expensive apparel, not just to impress other men, but to disguise the fact that he's not passing his classes. Nice clothes make the man. Expensive clothes and a shoe fetish makes him feel better about the world. He's so self-conscious, he can't even pronounce anything past Versace and Yves. Finally, money makes him happy. Money covers up all the problems in his life. Money makes him smile. Even the prospect of making money tomorrow makes him forget about the woes of today. He may not be passing but at least he's "gettin' paper." That's all that matters anyway. (serious financial issues notwithstanding)
12. He is most likely gay. And he'll most likely deny this allegation becuase of his insecurities (Check #11). And you can't argue or debate with him because he always has to be right (Check #1). Not judging the morality of homosexuality, it's just the truth.
P.S. I am by no means perfect, nor do I expect anyone else to be. I just wish that people would really take heart to this college that they claim to love and really contemplate the words of the College Hymn. Oh, and give back as alumni!!!
2. He is lazy. He probably comes from a middle to upper-class family in the suburbs, so he has never known first-hand struggle. His parents have done most of the housework all his life. Therefore, he believes that simple things (picking up trash, putting away dishes, walking) should be taken care of by someone other than he. He refuses to get his hands dirty. Why put away the dishes after lunch or dinner or breakfast when the cafeteria ladies will do it anyway? He'll just leave it there for the people who are paid to clean up after him. He litters the campus with party flyers and other frivolous trash and expects the custodians to clean up the mess he made. It's only right... Right?
3. His pants hang off of his ankles. Don't be fooled by his seemingly decent frontal appearance people. For once he turns around, you will be able to get a FULL flash of his rear or of his drawers. If not, he'll most likely pull up the back of his shirt and pull down his pants/shorts to expose what he feels needs to be shown. He'll wear designer underwear for the sole purpose of showing his rear off to all the other students he sees throughout the day. And keep in mind, he goes to an all-male school. IDK they come from, but I was raised to believe that this practice of sagging comes from prisons and implies a certain "availability" for other inmates. Some people think Morehouse is like prison anyway (Check #6).
4. Due to the previous, he cannot walk correctly. Looks like he's participating in a showdown from an old west movie... Clint Eastwood in chaps. I.e. You shouldn't walk this way unless you're wearing chaps and boots and spurs and carry around a revolver and drive authentic HORSEpower and pick up big breated white women at the saloon (some of them already do this).
5. He is narcissitic. He's a pretty boy and loves to look pretty. Cute. Attractive. Stylish. He thinks he loks better than you and snarls when he sees you "out of fashion." He has a disposable income but can't afford tuition and can't find the time or energy to rasie his GPA for a scholarship because he spent it all at Lenox on Tuesday afternoon. He spends hours a day in the mirror wondering if he looks and smells good enough to impress someone today. He is fully aware of the fact that he will not see any women today. Again, he goes to an all-male school.
6. He does a lot of complaining. He comes in as a freshman, complains about the things Morehouse doesn't have. Never once stops to appreciate what Morehouse DOES offer. Then justifies it by claiming that Morehoue is guilty of false advertising. He complains and complains, but never offers a solution to fix the issues of which he speaks. He only talks and gossips to his "friends" about these issues instead of bringing it up to someone with some power (i.e. God). He justifies this by claiming that administration doesn't listen, they aren't helpful, words fall on deaf ears. But he doesn't know because he's too afraid to approach them with such sillyness. He has no faith in the college, therefore will not contribute to the college's progess and well-being. He is like a pest or a speed bump to progress. Oh, and keeping with the tradition, he's too arrogant and egocentric to be told anything. (see #1)
7. He has no sense of chivalry. Because of #1, he does not fully appreciate or respect women. He feels he - man - is the superior being. He never thinks of how his actions and words will affect women. To him, she is only an object of sex and temporary pleasure. In his mind, there is a whole school of p***y right across the way, waiting to be plucked like a meadow of flowers for his taking. Like a flower, when she is plucked, a little piece of her dies with him. But what does he care? All he sees is a** and t****. He refuses to be seen walking her back to her room at night, or in the day. "She got here by herself, she can get home by herself," he thinks. He uses her over and over again. His so-called swag keeps her blinded to the truth and coming back for more thus continuing the cycle.
8. He does not respect women. This could be a whole note itself. I'll keep this brief. He puts his hands on her. He rapes her. He uses her for sex. She likes it and comes back for some more. He, not thinking about how she feels, demands sex from her. Pleasure is only meant for man, thus saith the Lord God. Women are cursed to have pain, not pleasure, in sex. Women should submit completely to the will of he who craves her. I mean, if she walks around wearing skimpy clothing and goes to the parties and grinds on every dude, she MUST want some of this good d***. She's thirsty. She's asking for it. She's drunk, she doesn't care. These are the principles he lives by.
9. He is all about "gettin' money." He is highly materialistic. His only reasons for being in college are: 1. 'cause Daddy told him to go to college; 2. 'cause Momma wanted him to go ot Morehouse; 3. to get a better job to make more money in the future. He probably majors in business so that he can learn how to make money, though this is not always true. He might major in English. Why? IDK. English majors dont make money after graduation. He does not care about learning or school, he just wants to get grades and move on. Graduate as quickly as possible. Why waste time actually learning about Anton Chekov, Carl Jung, Howard Thurman, W.E.B. DuBois, Ghandi, Shakespeare, Wordsworth, Descartes, and Niels Bohr? That stuff isn't revelant to him and isn't progressive toward his overall goal of "gettin' money." Who cares if he can't properly cite works in a research paper? In his mind, the love of money is the root of all happiness. Money is equated to success. Money will make him (a black man) equal to the white man, at least. This suggests that success is then equated to being on the level of white man. His self-worth is determined by how much money is in his pockets. To him, being rich is ALWAYS associated with money. He'd rather be unhappy with his job making $600,000 than be completely blissful making $40,000 a year. Money makes the world go 'round. (Oh, and remember, you can't reason with him.)
10. He brings the hood to the 'House. He is ignorant of contract theory. He does not believe that upon entering a certain society or microcosm, an individual must give up certain rights and behaviors. He believes that he must prove his masculinty and "coolness" or "swag" by creating LOUD and flamboyant expressions of himself around campus. He does not understand that dorms are places that are meant for studying and are located on college campuses to provide students with a comfortable and QUIET place to study. Sure, some people enjoy studying with music. SOME. This man will drive around campus, walk through hallways, or just bang loud music out of his room or car without regard for the students who are here doing what they are supposed to be doing. He has little or no regard for things like Reading Period or Douglass Hall. Everything must be turned into a social scene. Quiet study time is over-rated in his world. Keep in mind the previous examples, in that he probably doesnt care too much about his grades (or others), all he's worried about is "gettin money," he anticipates tonight's drunken naked party so that he can go and disrespect another woman, or he'll just throw a loud party in his dorm room during quiet hours.
11. He is insecure in so many ways. He feels he has to find ways of proving his masculinity to other students of the college. He's scared to have people thinking for a second that he may be homosexual, or less masculine. That just can't happen. He feels a need to "rep his hood" or his so-called hometown every other minute. This is why his so-called hometown has such a bad rep now. (hint: no one cares where you're from or what you do back home. you're here now like the rest of us so suck it up.) He wears his pants down to his ankles to be like the other guys who bring the hood into the 'House. They, in his opinion, are true men of Morehouse, or the colloqial "real niggas." They are popular. He wants to be like them. They get all the p***y. He wants to be like them so he disrepects women to feel like one of the guys. Besides, masculinity is now defined by how many hoes he can f**k and how much p***y he can get per month, right? He frequently hits and occasionally rapes women because he says that he's superior, but deep down, he knows he's insecure. So, he takes advantage of her weak-willedness to compensate for his lack. He walks around in the most expensive apparel, not just to impress other men, but to disguise the fact that he's not passing his classes. Nice clothes make the man. Expensive clothes and a shoe fetish makes him feel better about the world. He's so self-conscious, he can't even pronounce anything past Versace and Yves. Finally, money makes him happy. Money covers up all the problems in his life. Money makes him smile. Even the prospect of making money tomorrow makes him forget about the woes of today. He may not be passing but at least he's "gettin' paper." That's all that matters anyway. (serious financial issues notwithstanding)
12. He is most likely gay. And he'll most likely deny this allegation becuase of his insecurities (Check #11). And you can't argue or debate with him because he always has to be right (Check #1). Not judging the morality of homosexuality, it's just the truth.
P.S. I am by no means perfect, nor do I expect anyone else to be. I just wish that people would really take heart to this college that they claim to love and really contemplate the words of the College Hymn. Oh, and give back as alumni!!!
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