“Let’s say you have a friend and you two have been kicking for a long while. Everything is going great. No drama; no stress; no confusion whatsoever. Should one press the issue of “what’s next” between the two of them? Or should they just let things play out as whatever happens, happens?”
This sounds interesting. Okay, so let me get the facts straight. You (I mean, your friend) and this “significant other” have developed some sort of relationship over time. When you said “kicking it”, I’m going to assume that they’ve been engaging in some sort of physical intimacy over a period of time. Further, that intimacy is going to require the sharing of some degree of mutual romantic emotion. Also, since you mentioned that everything was going well, it can be implied that both people get along very well together, kind of like two good friends. However, “kicking it for a long while” suggests that they’ve moved beyond the ‘just friends’ phase.
In other words, they like each other. They enjoy each other’s company. They are friends and unofficial lovers at the same time. And from what you said, it seems like that is working well for them. So why change something that works? Why change?
Change can be good or bad in the context of this situation. By pressing the issue of “what’s next”, the relationship they already have can possibly be strengthened. For instance, if I were in your situation and I decide to tell this young lady about the things I’ve been thinking about (i.e. “pressing THE issue”), she might actually feel relieved that I decided to open up to her. Many times, relationships fail because of poor communication. By withholding feelings, ideas, and thoughts, sometimes we limit our relationships. Productive relationships thrive on kinetic, not potential energy (for all you science majors). Unused potential is detrimental and unproductive. Overall, communication is critical to building all types of relationships.
With that said, too much communication could be a risky and bad thing. It really depends on the people involved in the situation. By showing all of your cards, or putting everything out in the open, the significant other might feel like you’re rushing things. He or she might even be frightened by the things you reveal. By “pressing the issue” to a person like this, they might actually become less comfortable around you, or worse, unfortunately. That’s the risk! Once you decide to start talking about “what’s next” and such, you risk the intimacy that has been developed between the two of you.
This is making your head spin. I know. But wait!
On the OTHER hand, being acquiescent and letting things play out is not necessarily the best idea either. Quite simply, you might completely miss your golden opportunity to tell him or her how you feel. If you really have a strong desire to move the relationship in a forward direction, then you shouldn’t be afraid to voice your opinion and justify your cause. Hesitate if you may; someone else will come along and justify THEIR cause. Your words will then fall on deaf ears. You’ll be forced into a timeless zone, reserved for those-who-had-the-opportunity-but-didn’t-take-it. You know some people like that don’t you? Do you really want to be like them? Right. So just go ahead and speak up.
Communication is inherently good. Even if he or she doesn’t react in the way you would like, at least you can always say that you got it off your chest and you tried to move the relationship forward.
My sound advice is to make sure you know the person you’re talking to and exactly what to say to them when the time comes. Some people are attracted to people who take risks and speak their mind. Some people are repelled by such actions. It all just depends on the person.
If all else fails, have a movie night. Watch the great film Love & Basketball with Sanaa Lathan (my ex-wife) and Omar Epps. It's a bit of a chick flick, but it helps.
Showing posts with label college. Show all posts
Showing posts with label college. Show all posts
7.11.2009
Relationships in College
What is it with all these couples hanging around campus? It makes me sick. I just don’t understand why they are wasting time with each other. Everybody knows that college relationships don’t work. Right? So shouldn’t we be more focused on the real reason of being here in college – to get a good education?
....................................................................................................................................................................
First of all, let’s get one thing straight. If this issue is really making you sick, then you definitely might want to go get that checked out. Stay healthy my brother.
It’s very difficult to maintain a romantic relationship in college. Many, if not most eventually fail. Why? Because college is a time for maximizing your potential for success and for developing your personality as an individual, a.k.a. “finding yourself”. You and I both know that the academic side of college is stressful even without the addition of trying to have a social life. So why do people even try to do this girlfriend/boyfriend thing? The answer is quite simple and is rooted in psychology. I’ll take this time to do a little teaching. Here is my theory.
Assuming that most of the students you see around campus are freshmen, the people you are referring to have just broken out of the adolescent stage. Adolescence is a stage at which we are neither a child nor an adult; life is definitely complex as we attempt to find our own identity, struggle with social interactions, and grapple with moral issues. According to psychological theory, freshmen (aged 18-19) have just begun their first stage of adulthood. This shift in stages also allows for and often demands a shift in which we form relationships with. In adolescence, we are introduced to relationships with peer-related groups. However, we seek more intimate relationships and “love” when we cross over into the adult phase.
Because freshman fall into this transition period, they are more apt to seek out intimate relationships with the great amount of opportunity made available to them during their first few months of college. Put a school full of freshman girls right next door to a school full of freshman guys experiencing this same emotional transitions and you’ve got a formula for some intense connection.
Also, take into consideration the fact that freshman year is a time to get acquainted with the people and environment with whom you will spend the next four (or so) years around. With all this in mind, there is no question that you should see guys and girls all “hugged up” around campus.
But it’s not that they aren’t focused on their studies, although too much “huggin’ up” will most likely cause neglect of academic work and lower performance (its proven!). It’s simply because they are just going through this transition period. As these freshmen mature and grow into the adult phase, which lasts until about 35 years of age, the need for this exploration and intimacy amongst peers will decrease. You don’t see many juniors and seniors engaged in this activity because they have adjusted to the collegiate environment and no longer crave the social interactions as do underclassmen. By the upperclassmen years, usually students are gearing up for long-term status relationships (if anything). Well, actually seniors are too busy trying to graduate for all that mess. But overall, it’s a psychological thing.
To wrap up, I just want to point out that there are pros and cons to any argument about college relationships. It is all relative to the people involved. Some work, some fail. Some people are just looking for easy sex; some people give in to them easily. Overall, don’t chastise people for being in a relationship. Respect the fact that it works for them.
Now, if you’re just angry because you can’t get a girl yourself, then brother… we might need to have a talk about some personal problems.
....................................................................................................................................................................
First of all, let’s get one thing straight. If this issue is really making you sick, then you definitely might want to go get that checked out. Stay healthy my brother.
It’s very difficult to maintain a romantic relationship in college. Many, if not most eventually fail. Why? Because college is a time for maximizing your potential for success and for developing your personality as an individual, a.k.a. “finding yourself”. You and I both know that the academic side of college is stressful even without the addition of trying to have a social life. So why do people even try to do this girlfriend/boyfriend thing? The answer is quite simple and is rooted in psychology. I’ll take this time to do a little teaching. Here is my theory.
Assuming that most of the students you see around campus are freshmen, the people you are referring to have just broken out of the adolescent stage. Adolescence is a stage at which we are neither a child nor an adult; life is definitely complex as we attempt to find our own identity, struggle with social interactions, and grapple with moral issues. According to psychological theory, freshmen (aged 18-19) have just begun their first stage of adulthood. This shift in stages also allows for and often demands a shift in which we form relationships with. In adolescence, we are introduced to relationships with peer-related groups. However, we seek more intimate relationships and “love” when we cross over into the adult phase.
Because freshman fall into this transition period, they are more apt to seek out intimate relationships with the great amount of opportunity made available to them during their first few months of college. Put a school full of freshman girls right next door to a school full of freshman guys experiencing this same emotional transitions and you’ve got a formula for some intense connection.
Also, take into consideration the fact that freshman year is a time to get acquainted with the people and environment with whom you will spend the next four (or so) years around. With all this in mind, there is no question that you should see guys and girls all “hugged up” around campus.
But it’s not that they aren’t focused on their studies, although too much “huggin’ up” will most likely cause neglect of academic work and lower performance (its proven!). It’s simply because they are just going through this transition period. As these freshmen mature and grow into the adult phase, which lasts until about 35 years of age, the need for this exploration and intimacy amongst peers will decrease. You don’t see many juniors and seniors engaged in this activity because they have adjusted to the collegiate environment and no longer crave the social interactions as do underclassmen. By the upperclassmen years, usually students are gearing up for long-term status relationships (if anything). Well, actually seniors are too busy trying to graduate for all that mess. But overall, it’s a psychological thing.
To wrap up, I just want to point out that there are pros and cons to any argument about college relationships. It is all relative to the people involved. Some work, some fail. Some people are just looking for easy sex; some people give in to them easily. Overall, don’t chastise people for being in a relationship. Respect the fact that it works for them.
Now, if you’re just angry because you can’t get a girl yourself, then brother… we might need to have a talk about some personal problems.
Down Low Friends
So, I’m sitting in my office, The Brown Street Bench, one cloudy Thursday when a young brother comes up to me. He has a distraught look upon his face. Here’s what he said:
“I like to think that my views on life are pretty conservative. I love to debate and discourse on all sorts of topics, but I tend to steer away from those things which are taboo. Recently, I’ve noticed my best friend engaging in some very peculiar behavior. He’s been saying some weird things around me. To make a long story short, I think he is [on the down low]. I’m against homosexuality, but I really don’t want to lose a good friend. Should I confront him about it? Should I stop talking to him? What do I do?”
Here is what I told him:
Wow. It seems like you have a serious issue my brother. I can see the fragility in the situation already. Beware. Before you DO anything, you need to take some time out and THINK about what your plan of action is. There are a few steps in this process.
First, think about how you really feel about homosexuality and justify your reasoning. Make sure you do this; you wouldn’t want to offend him. I’m not going to tell you whether or not homosexuality is wrong. That is not my job here. But you need to develop an opinion of your own about the issue. And don’t tarry. Time is of the essence.
Second, does your friend know how you feel about homosexuality? Have you told him before? If so, then how did he react? His reaction to your opinion could be a decent indicator. If there was a conversation about the topic was it one-sided or did he also have an opinion? How does he feel about homosexuality? You might even want to ask how he feels about heterosexuality. I would do that as an ice breaker, eventually leading into a conversation about homosexuality.
Clearly, you are uncomfortable with him being homosexual, or the possibility thereof, or you wouldn’t have brought up the issue. Therefore, you are in fact uncomfortable with homosexuality to some degree. Why is that? Would it make a difference if he were not your close friend? And since he is your “best friend”, why does his sexuality matter? Better yet, of what concern is any man’s sexuality to you? [Breathe].
Take caution when approaching him about this. You can do it from a number of ways to make the situation seem less intense. Either way, you need to get the truth out of him. Right? But let me ask you this. Do you really want to know whether or not your boy is gay? If he is, will it change your friendship? Why? Do you think it would be better to not know? Is ignorance really bliss?
Enough questions, let me make a few points. If he is truly your friend, best friend at that, then the possibility of his homosexuality should not prompt a decline in the friendship. There is too much of this homophobic disinteraction on this campus and is detrimental to the foundation principles of this College. Don’t fall into that mix. Be more inclusive in your ideology and beliefs. Think for yourself. Don’t just think a certain way because someone told you to think that way. Are you willing to wager a friendship on something as trivial as his sexual preference? If so, then that says something about you sir.
My advice to you is to be accepting of him (if he is gay) and to use it as a tool to strengthen your friendship. Or, feel free to enjoy the joy of destroying a perfectly good friendship. I hope you don’t have a guilty conscience.
Sidenote: “Ignorance is bliss.”
“I like to think that my views on life are pretty conservative. I love to debate and discourse on all sorts of topics, but I tend to steer away from those things which are taboo. Recently, I’ve noticed my best friend engaging in some very peculiar behavior. He’s been saying some weird things around me. To make a long story short, I think he is [on the down low]. I’m against homosexuality, but I really don’t want to lose a good friend. Should I confront him about it? Should I stop talking to him? What do I do?”
Here is what I told him:
Wow. It seems like you have a serious issue my brother. I can see the fragility in the situation already. Beware. Before you DO anything, you need to take some time out and THINK about what your plan of action is. There are a few steps in this process.
First, think about how you really feel about homosexuality and justify your reasoning. Make sure you do this; you wouldn’t want to offend him. I’m not going to tell you whether or not homosexuality is wrong. That is not my job here. But you need to develop an opinion of your own about the issue. And don’t tarry. Time is of the essence.
Second, does your friend know how you feel about homosexuality? Have you told him before? If so, then how did he react? His reaction to your opinion could be a decent indicator. If there was a conversation about the topic was it one-sided or did he also have an opinion? How does he feel about homosexuality? You might even want to ask how he feels about heterosexuality. I would do that as an ice breaker, eventually leading into a conversation about homosexuality.
Clearly, you are uncomfortable with him being homosexual, or the possibility thereof, or you wouldn’t have brought up the issue. Therefore, you are in fact uncomfortable with homosexuality to some degree. Why is that? Would it make a difference if he were not your close friend? And since he is your “best friend”, why does his sexuality matter? Better yet, of what concern is any man’s sexuality to you? [Breathe].
Take caution when approaching him about this. You can do it from a number of ways to make the situation seem less intense. Either way, you need to get the truth out of him. Right? But let me ask you this. Do you really want to know whether or not your boy is gay? If he is, will it change your friendship? Why? Do you think it would be better to not know? Is ignorance really bliss?
Enough questions, let me make a few points. If he is truly your friend, best friend at that, then the possibility of his homosexuality should not prompt a decline in the friendship. There is too much of this homophobic disinteraction on this campus and is detrimental to the foundation principles of this College. Don’t fall into that mix. Be more inclusive in your ideology and beliefs. Think for yourself. Don’t just think a certain way because someone told you to think that way. Are you willing to wager a friendship on something as trivial as his sexual preference? If so, then that says something about you sir.
My advice to you is to be accepting of him (if he is gay) and to use it as a tool to strengthen your friendship. Or, feel free to enjoy the joy of destroying a perfectly good friendship. I hope you don’t have a guilty conscience.
Sidenote: “Ignorance is bliss.”
5.03.2009
The Man of Morehouse... of Today
1. He is arrogant and egocentric. The Morehouse man of today is a literal interpretation of the old agade, "You can tell a Morehouse Man, but you can't tell him much." He doesn't listen to you or any other person wiser than he because he is too lost in his own ego (or alter-ego). He does more talking than listening. He does more talking than walking. He thinks the world revolves around him and everything should be given to him on a silver platter just because he attends Morehouse. He operates under the philosophy that he is right and you are wrong. Period.
2. He is lazy. He probably comes from a middle to upper-class family in the suburbs, so he has never known first-hand struggle. His parents have done most of the housework all his life. Therefore, he believes that simple things (picking up trash, putting away dishes, walking) should be taken care of by someone other than he. He refuses to get his hands dirty. Why put away the dishes after lunch or dinner or breakfast when the cafeteria ladies will do it anyway? He'll just leave it there for the people who are paid to clean up after him. He litters the campus with party flyers and other frivolous trash and expects the custodians to clean up the mess he made. It's only right... Right?
3. His pants hang off of his ankles. Don't be fooled by his seemingly decent frontal appearance people. For once he turns around, you will be able to get a FULL flash of his rear or of his drawers. If not, he'll most likely pull up the back of his shirt and pull down his pants/shorts to expose what he feels needs to be shown. He'll wear designer underwear for the sole purpose of showing his rear off to all the other students he sees throughout the day. And keep in mind, he goes to an all-male school. IDK they come from, but I was raised to believe that this practice of sagging comes from prisons and implies a certain "availability" for other inmates. Some people think Morehouse is like prison anyway (Check #6).
4. Due to the previous, he cannot walk correctly. Looks like he's participating in a showdown from an old west movie... Clint Eastwood in chaps. I.e. You shouldn't walk this way unless you're wearing chaps and boots and spurs and carry around a revolver and drive authentic HORSEpower and pick up big breated white women at the saloon (some of them already do this).
5. He is narcissitic. He's a pretty boy and loves to look pretty. Cute. Attractive. Stylish. He thinks he loks better than you and snarls when he sees you "out of fashion." He has a disposable income but can't afford tuition and can't find the time or energy to rasie his GPA for a scholarship because he spent it all at Lenox on Tuesday afternoon. He spends hours a day in the mirror wondering if he looks and smells good enough to impress someone today. He is fully aware of the fact that he will not see any women today. Again, he goes to an all-male school.
6. He does a lot of complaining. He comes in as a freshman, complains about the things Morehouse doesn't have. Never once stops to appreciate what Morehouse DOES offer. Then justifies it by claiming that Morehoue is guilty of false advertising. He complains and complains, but never offers a solution to fix the issues of which he speaks. He only talks and gossips to his "friends" about these issues instead of bringing it up to someone with some power (i.e. God). He justifies this by claiming that administration doesn't listen, they aren't helpful, words fall on deaf ears. But he doesn't know because he's too afraid to approach them with such sillyness. He has no faith in the college, therefore will not contribute to the college's progess and well-being. He is like a pest or a speed bump to progress. Oh, and keeping with the tradition, he's too arrogant and egocentric to be told anything. (see #1)
7. He has no sense of chivalry. Because of #1, he does not fully appreciate or respect women. He feels he - man - is the superior being. He never thinks of how his actions and words will affect women. To him, she is only an object of sex and temporary pleasure. In his mind, there is a whole school of p***y right across the way, waiting to be plucked like a meadow of flowers for his taking. Like a flower, when she is plucked, a little piece of her dies with him. But what does he care? All he sees is a** and t****. He refuses to be seen walking her back to her room at night, or in the day. "She got here by herself, she can get home by herself," he thinks. He uses her over and over again. His so-called swag keeps her blinded to the truth and coming back for more thus continuing the cycle.
8. He does not respect women. This could be a whole note itself. I'll keep this brief. He puts his hands on her. He rapes her. He uses her for sex. She likes it and comes back for some more. He, not thinking about how she feels, demands sex from her. Pleasure is only meant for man, thus saith the Lord God. Women are cursed to have pain, not pleasure, in sex. Women should submit completely to the will of he who craves her. I mean, if she walks around wearing skimpy clothing and goes to the parties and grinds on every dude, she MUST want some of this good d***. She's thirsty. She's asking for it. She's drunk, she doesn't care. These are the principles he lives by.
9. He is all about "gettin' money." He is highly materialistic. His only reasons for being in college are: 1. 'cause Daddy told him to go to college; 2. 'cause Momma wanted him to go ot Morehouse; 3. to get a better job to make more money in the future. He probably majors in business so that he can learn how to make money, though this is not always true. He might major in English. Why? IDK. English majors dont make money after graduation. He does not care about learning or school, he just wants to get grades and move on. Graduate as quickly as possible. Why waste time actually learning about Anton Chekov, Carl Jung, Howard Thurman, W.E.B. DuBois, Ghandi, Shakespeare, Wordsworth, Descartes, and Niels Bohr? That stuff isn't revelant to him and isn't progressive toward his overall goal of "gettin' money." Who cares if he can't properly cite works in a research paper? In his mind, the love of money is the root of all happiness. Money is equated to success. Money will make him (a black man) equal to the white man, at least. This suggests that success is then equated to being on the level of white man. His self-worth is determined by how much money is in his pockets. To him, being rich is ALWAYS associated with money. He'd rather be unhappy with his job making $600,000 than be completely blissful making $40,000 a year. Money makes the world go 'round. (Oh, and remember, you can't reason with him.)
10. He brings the hood to the 'House. He is ignorant of contract theory. He does not believe that upon entering a certain society or microcosm, an individual must give up certain rights and behaviors. He believes that he must prove his masculinty and "coolness" or "swag" by creating LOUD and flamboyant expressions of himself around campus. He does not understand that dorms are places that are meant for studying and are located on college campuses to provide students with a comfortable and QUIET place to study. Sure, some people enjoy studying with music. SOME. This man will drive around campus, walk through hallways, or just bang loud music out of his room or car without regard for the students who are here doing what they are supposed to be doing. He has little or no regard for things like Reading Period or Douglass Hall. Everything must be turned into a social scene. Quiet study time is over-rated in his world. Keep in mind the previous examples, in that he probably doesnt care too much about his grades (or others), all he's worried about is "gettin money," he anticipates tonight's drunken naked party so that he can go and disrespect another woman, or he'll just throw a loud party in his dorm room during quiet hours.
11. He is insecure in so many ways. He feels he has to find ways of proving his masculinity to other students of the college. He's scared to have people thinking for a second that he may be homosexual, or less masculine. That just can't happen. He feels a need to "rep his hood" or his so-called hometown every other minute. This is why his so-called hometown has such a bad rep now. (hint: no one cares where you're from or what you do back home. you're here now like the rest of us so suck it up.) He wears his pants down to his ankles to be like the other guys who bring the hood into the 'House. They, in his opinion, are true men of Morehouse, or the colloqial "real niggas." They are popular. He wants to be like them. They get all the p***y. He wants to be like them so he disrepects women to feel like one of the guys. Besides, masculinity is now defined by how many hoes he can f**k and how much p***y he can get per month, right? He frequently hits and occasionally rapes women because he says that he's superior, but deep down, he knows he's insecure. So, he takes advantage of her weak-willedness to compensate for his lack. He walks around in the most expensive apparel, not just to impress other men, but to disguise the fact that he's not passing his classes. Nice clothes make the man. Expensive clothes and a shoe fetish makes him feel better about the world. He's so self-conscious, he can't even pronounce anything past Versace and Yves. Finally, money makes him happy. Money covers up all the problems in his life. Money makes him smile. Even the prospect of making money tomorrow makes him forget about the woes of today. He may not be passing but at least he's "gettin' paper." That's all that matters anyway. (serious financial issues notwithstanding)
12. He is most likely gay. And he'll most likely deny this allegation becuase of his insecurities (Check #11). And you can't argue or debate with him because he always has to be right (Check #1). Not judging the morality of homosexuality, it's just the truth.
P.S. I am by no means perfect, nor do I expect anyone else to be. I just wish that people would really take heart to this college that they claim to love and really contemplate the words of the College Hymn. Oh, and give back as alumni!!!
2. He is lazy. He probably comes from a middle to upper-class family in the suburbs, so he has never known first-hand struggle. His parents have done most of the housework all his life. Therefore, he believes that simple things (picking up trash, putting away dishes, walking) should be taken care of by someone other than he. He refuses to get his hands dirty. Why put away the dishes after lunch or dinner or breakfast when the cafeteria ladies will do it anyway? He'll just leave it there for the people who are paid to clean up after him. He litters the campus with party flyers and other frivolous trash and expects the custodians to clean up the mess he made. It's only right... Right?
3. His pants hang off of his ankles. Don't be fooled by his seemingly decent frontal appearance people. For once he turns around, you will be able to get a FULL flash of his rear or of his drawers. If not, he'll most likely pull up the back of his shirt and pull down his pants/shorts to expose what he feels needs to be shown. He'll wear designer underwear for the sole purpose of showing his rear off to all the other students he sees throughout the day. And keep in mind, he goes to an all-male school. IDK they come from, but I was raised to believe that this practice of sagging comes from prisons and implies a certain "availability" for other inmates. Some people think Morehouse is like prison anyway (Check #6).
4. Due to the previous, he cannot walk correctly. Looks like he's participating in a showdown from an old west movie... Clint Eastwood in chaps. I.e. You shouldn't walk this way unless you're wearing chaps and boots and spurs and carry around a revolver and drive authentic HORSEpower and pick up big breated white women at the saloon (some of them already do this).
5. He is narcissitic. He's a pretty boy and loves to look pretty. Cute. Attractive. Stylish. He thinks he loks better than you and snarls when he sees you "out of fashion." He has a disposable income but can't afford tuition and can't find the time or energy to rasie his GPA for a scholarship because he spent it all at Lenox on Tuesday afternoon. He spends hours a day in the mirror wondering if he looks and smells good enough to impress someone today. He is fully aware of the fact that he will not see any women today. Again, he goes to an all-male school.
6. He does a lot of complaining. He comes in as a freshman, complains about the things Morehouse doesn't have. Never once stops to appreciate what Morehouse DOES offer. Then justifies it by claiming that Morehoue is guilty of false advertising. He complains and complains, but never offers a solution to fix the issues of which he speaks. He only talks and gossips to his "friends" about these issues instead of bringing it up to someone with some power (i.e. God). He justifies this by claiming that administration doesn't listen, they aren't helpful, words fall on deaf ears. But he doesn't know because he's too afraid to approach them with such sillyness. He has no faith in the college, therefore will not contribute to the college's progess and well-being. He is like a pest or a speed bump to progress. Oh, and keeping with the tradition, he's too arrogant and egocentric to be told anything. (see #1)
7. He has no sense of chivalry. Because of #1, he does not fully appreciate or respect women. He feels he - man - is the superior being. He never thinks of how his actions and words will affect women. To him, she is only an object of sex and temporary pleasure. In his mind, there is a whole school of p***y right across the way, waiting to be plucked like a meadow of flowers for his taking. Like a flower, when she is plucked, a little piece of her dies with him. But what does he care? All he sees is a** and t****. He refuses to be seen walking her back to her room at night, or in the day. "She got here by herself, she can get home by herself," he thinks. He uses her over and over again. His so-called swag keeps her blinded to the truth and coming back for more thus continuing the cycle.
8. He does not respect women. This could be a whole note itself. I'll keep this brief. He puts his hands on her. He rapes her. He uses her for sex. She likes it and comes back for some more. He, not thinking about how she feels, demands sex from her. Pleasure is only meant for man, thus saith the Lord God. Women are cursed to have pain, not pleasure, in sex. Women should submit completely to the will of he who craves her. I mean, if she walks around wearing skimpy clothing and goes to the parties and grinds on every dude, she MUST want some of this good d***. She's thirsty. She's asking for it. She's drunk, she doesn't care. These are the principles he lives by.
9. He is all about "gettin' money." He is highly materialistic. His only reasons for being in college are: 1. 'cause Daddy told him to go to college; 2. 'cause Momma wanted him to go ot Morehouse; 3. to get a better job to make more money in the future. He probably majors in business so that he can learn how to make money, though this is not always true. He might major in English. Why? IDK. English majors dont make money after graduation. He does not care about learning or school, he just wants to get grades and move on. Graduate as quickly as possible. Why waste time actually learning about Anton Chekov, Carl Jung, Howard Thurman, W.E.B. DuBois, Ghandi, Shakespeare, Wordsworth, Descartes, and Niels Bohr? That stuff isn't revelant to him and isn't progressive toward his overall goal of "gettin' money." Who cares if he can't properly cite works in a research paper? In his mind, the love of money is the root of all happiness. Money is equated to success. Money will make him (a black man) equal to the white man, at least. This suggests that success is then equated to being on the level of white man. His self-worth is determined by how much money is in his pockets. To him, being rich is ALWAYS associated with money. He'd rather be unhappy with his job making $600,000 than be completely blissful making $40,000 a year. Money makes the world go 'round. (Oh, and remember, you can't reason with him.)
10. He brings the hood to the 'House. He is ignorant of contract theory. He does not believe that upon entering a certain society or microcosm, an individual must give up certain rights and behaviors. He believes that he must prove his masculinty and "coolness" or "swag" by creating LOUD and flamboyant expressions of himself around campus. He does not understand that dorms are places that are meant for studying and are located on college campuses to provide students with a comfortable and QUIET place to study. Sure, some people enjoy studying with music. SOME. This man will drive around campus, walk through hallways, or just bang loud music out of his room or car without regard for the students who are here doing what they are supposed to be doing. He has little or no regard for things like Reading Period or Douglass Hall. Everything must be turned into a social scene. Quiet study time is over-rated in his world. Keep in mind the previous examples, in that he probably doesnt care too much about his grades (or others), all he's worried about is "gettin money," he anticipates tonight's drunken naked party so that he can go and disrespect another woman, or he'll just throw a loud party in his dorm room during quiet hours.
11. He is insecure in so many ways. He feels he has to find ways of proving his masculinity to other students of the college. He's scared to have people thinking for a second that he may be homosexual, or less masculine. That just can't happen. He feels a need to "rep his hood" or his so-called hometown every other minute. This is why his so-called hometown has such a bad rep now. (hint: no one cares where you're from or what you do back home. you're here now like the rest of us so suck it up.) He wears his pants down to his ankles to be like the other guys who bring the hood into the 'House. They, in his opinion, are true men of Morehouse, or the colloqial "real niggas." They are popular. He wants to be like them. They get all the p***y. He wants to be like them so he disrepects women to feel like one of the guys. Besides, masculinity is now defined by how many hoes he can f**k and how much p***y he can get per month, right? He frequently hits and occasionally rapes women because he says that he's superior, but deep down, he knows he's insecure. So, he takes advantage of her weak-willedness to compensate for his lack. He walks around in the most expensive apparel, not just to impress other men, but to disguise the fact that he's not passing his classes. Nice clothes make the man. Expensive clothes and a shoe fetish makes him feel better about the world. He's so self-conscious, he can't even pronounce anything past Versace and Yves. Finally, money makes him happy. Money covers up all the problems in his life. Money makes him smile. Even the prospect of making money tomorrow makes him forget about the woes of today. He may not be passing but at least he's "gettin' paper." That's all that matters anyway. (serious financial issues notwithstanding)
12. He is most likely gay. And he'll most likely deny this allegation becuase of his insecurities (Check #11). And you can't argue or debate with him because he always has to be right (Check #1). Not judging the morality of homosexuality, it's just the truth.
P.S. I am by no means perfect, nor do I expect anyone else to be. I just wish that people would really take heart to this college that they claim to love and really contemplate the words of the College Hymn. Oh, and give back as alumni!!!
2.24.2009
The Morehouse Crown of Conformity
Morehouse has a vision for the "ideal man." The vision is very biased. It was dreamed up in a vacuum. It can only be applied to her students and to other intellectuals in the black community and those few who happen to be sensitive to its needs. Yes, Morehouse places a crown above her students' heads etc... The harsh truth is that Morehouse really places a cookie cutter around some fresh dough (i.e. the incoming freshman) and forces that dough to conform to its cold, rigid shape. This conformity includes, but isn't limited to forcing a blind Africentric ideology on her students. Don't get me wrong, we as descendants of the members of the African Diaspora/MAAFA need to know from whence we came. It is a terrible calamity to try to solve the problems of today and prepare for the issues of tomorrow while being ignorant of the past. But this Africentric thought is blind because it fails to teach students how to utilize this knowledge in a Eurocentric world.
Morehouse also teaches her students complacency. It, in a sense, leaves students blind. Men of Morehouse are taught theories on why we should "go back to our African roots." The plain truth is that we as African Americans are so far removed from the indigenous African cultures that even they would likely reject us and us, them. Furthermore, we as African Americans as so far inbred with Eurocentric ideology that we frown upon the so-called primitiveness that is traditional African culture. In other words, black people in America are too materialistic to even comprehend a life lived in the way our African counterparts live. We are either too ignorant of our past or too arrogant to pay attention to it. With that said, I find it necessary to cease rhetoric on another Garvey "back to Africa" movement. It's pointless. I find it virtually impossible or futile to make attempts at trying to re-connect with our African self-identity. It seems that when we do, we take it too far and create a segregationist perspective on life.
As African American men of Morehouse, we need to be pioneers in the identification, creation, and nourishment of our own identity as blacks in America while still finding ways to honor our African ancestry. That does not mean that we need to be like the African people or our ancestors. That is not progressive behavior. There needs to be a stop to the excuses we use for our behavior and a stop to the teaching of these excuses to our children. We need to stop using slavery as a crutch. We need to stop using pan-Africanism as a crutch. We need to stop using the Diaspora as a crutch. Morehouse needs to teach her students how to develop this dysfunctional entity that is the black community. Morehouse needs to be at the forefront of this development. Being knowledgeable about African history/worldview is very essential, but application to issues going on in the black community is more urgent. This application is missing in the Morehouse mystique. Morehouse needs to stop complaining and making comparisons and actually do something. Be the change you want to see.
What's more, I think that one can earn a lifetime experience here. Morehouse can be a very enriching environment. It is not the same institution that Mays, King and Thurman once knew; however, it can be an institution of the next great leader-who-has-yet-to-be-named. Morehouse has become a school of conformity. No, not conformity to the outside world, but conformity to and within herself. She attempts to make her students conform to this "crown" that not all students are able or willing to conform to. But Morehouse lends only a deaf ear to those fateful students. And what happens to those brilliant black men who have been left behind by choosing not to conform to the rules; to the standards; to the mystique of that 'Old Morehouse Spirit', you ask? Morehouse subsequently leaves those brothers out to dry. Their dough simply could not grow correctly into that cold cookie cutter mold. Now ask yourself, is that the Morehouse your mother told you about?
This behavior is evident in the admissions process comparative to Spelman College. Spelman is much like a sorority. She seeks young women who are, in a sense, already Spelmanites. Once they get to the school, the girls are first given a rigid foundation, but then they are given the opportunity to create innovative ideas on their own that will impact society. (Mind you, Spelman does have her strict rules of conformity as well.) On the other hand, Morehouse seeks out young men who just might have the potential to be the quintessential Morehouse Men. Hence you see some students at Morehouse who look just like the people on Lowery Street versus the students at Spelman who pretty much look like the 'stereotypical' Spelmanite (I mean that in a good way btw). Morehouse then uses this "crown" concept to justify her principles of conformity through a forced curriculum and legacy. In a comparative light, Morehouse doesn't allow for the expansion of the massive creative vehicle that is the African American male psyche. Mother Morehouse feeds the spirit at the tragic expense of the loss of an innovative mind. Upon matriculation, every Man of Morehouse expands into that same old crown, then walks away with a degree four years later. Simple as that.
This Man of Morehouse of today has lost his identity as a true leader and non-conformist. Sadly, the only popular identity of a Morehouse Man known is the Dr. King model. Dr. King has somehow become the standard of a Morehouse Man. Period. The issue is that the world of today may not need another King. The world could just need another real Morehouse Man who will stand up to the clones of communal conformity and offer insight to international injustice. The current Morehouse Man has indeed fulfilled the old adage, "you can tell Morehouse Man, but you cant tell him much." However, we have twisted that saying to become complacent with the misfortunes of black community and have become increasingly arrogant in our dealings. There must be a change in the psyche of these, our men of Morehouse.
In closing, I profess that Morehouse does have the potential to be great. But potential energy is only kinetic energy waiting to happen. I also claim that you can get a filling greatness out of Morehouse only if you put an equal greatness into her. For every action there is an equal and opposing reaction. There is a lot of positivity going on around Morehouse and I am proud of it. The things you can and will learn here will be valuable on your journey as a man long after you have earned your last degree, written your last book, taught your last class, or delivered you final oration. I say this to my young brothers and Men of Morehouse: don't just reach for the stars, be different and discover new ones. I propose an amendment to the "crown" concept: What Morehouse does is implant a seed into her children. Perseverance, commitment and diligence will cause that seed to germinate. You'll discover yourself here and carry that seed of social justice, innovation, and fraternity with you all the days of your life. And that, my brother, is what Morehouse does do right.
Morehouse also teaches her students complacency. It, in a sense, leaves students blind. Men of Morehouse are taught theories on why we should "go back to our African roots." The plain truth is that we as African Americans are so far removed from the indigenous African cultures that even they would likely reject us and us, them. Furthermore, we as African Americans as so far inbred with Eurocentric ideology that we frown upon the so-called primitiveness that is traditional African culture. In other words, black people in America are too materialistic to even comprehend a life lived in the way our African counterparts live. We are either too ignorant of our past or too arrogant to pay attention to it. With that said, I find it necessary to cease rhetoric on another Garvey "back to Africa" movement. It's pointless. I find it virtually impossible or futile to make attempts at trying to re-connect with our African self-identity. It seems that when we do, we take it too far and create a segregationist perspective on life.
As African American men of Morehouse, we need to be pioneers in the identification, creation, and nourishment of our own identity as blacks in America while still finding ways to honor our African ancestry. That does not mean that we need to be like the African people or our ancestors. That is not progressive behavior. There needs to be a stop to the excuses we use for our behavior and a stop to the teaching of these excuses to our children. We need to stop using slavery as a crutch. We need to stop using pan-Africanism as a crutch. We need to stop using the Diaspora as a crutch. Morehouse needs to teach her students how to develop this dysfunctional entity that is the black community. Morehouse needs to be at the forefront of this development. Being knowledgeable about African history/worldview is very essential, but application to issues going on in the black community is more urgent. This application is missing in the Morehouse mystique. Morehouse needs to stop complaining and making comparisons and actually do something. Be the change you want to see.
What's more, I think that one can earn a lifetime experience here. Morehouse can be a very enriching environment. It is not the same institution that Mays, King and Thurman once knew; however, it can be an institution of the next great leader-who-has-yet-to-be-named. Morehouse has become a school of conformity. No, not conformity to the outside world, but conformity to and within herself. She attempts to make her students conform to this "crown" that not all students are able or willing to conform to. But Morehouse lends only a deaf ear to those fateful students. And what happens to those brilliant black men who have been left behind by choosing not to conform to the rules; to the standards; to the mystique of that 'Old Morehouse Spirit', you ask? Morehouse subsequently leaves those brothers out to dry. Their dough simply could not grow correctly into that cold cookie cutter mold. Now ask yourself, is that the Morehouse your mother told you about?
This behavior is evident in the admissions process comparative to Spelman College. Spelman is much like a sorority. She seeks young women who are, in a sense, already Spelmanites. Once they get to the school, the girls are first given a rigid foundation, but then they are given the opportunity to create innovative ideas on their own that will impact society. (Mind you, Spelman does have her strict rules of conformity as well.) On the other hand, Morehouse seeks out young men who just might have the potential to be the quintessential Morehouse Men. Hence you see some students at Morehouse who look just like the people on Lowery Street versus the students at Spelman who pretty much look like the 'stereotypical' Spelmanite (I mean that in a good way btw). Morehouse then uses this "crown" concept to justify her principles of conformity through a forced curriculum and legacy. In a comparative light, Morehouse doesn't allow for the expansion of the massive creative vehicle that is the African American male psyche. Mother Morehouse feeds the spirit at the tragic expense of the loss of an innovative mind. Upon matriculation, every Man of Morehouse expands into that same old crown, then walks away with a degree four years later. Simple as that.
This Man of Morehouse of today has lost his identity as a true leader and non-conformist. Sadly, the only popular identity of a Morehouse Man known is the Dr. King model. Dr. King has somehow become the standard of a Morehouse Man. Period. The issue is that the world of today may not need another King. The world could just need another real Morehouse Man who will stand up to the clones of communal conformity and offer insight to international injustice. The current Morehouse Man has indeed fulfilled the old adage, "you can tell Morehouse Man, but you cant tell him much." However, we have twisted that saying to become complacent with the misfortunes of black community and have become increasingly arrogant in our dealings. There must be a change in the psyche of these, our men of Morehouse.
In closing, I profess that Morehouse does have the potential to be great. But potential energy is only kinetic energy waiting to happen. I also claim that you can get a filling greatness out of Morehouse only if you put an equal greatness into her. For every action there is an equal and opposing reaction. There is a lot of positivity going on around Morehouse and I am proud of it. The things you can and will learn here will be valuable on your journey as a man long after you have earned your last degree, written your last book, taught your last class, or delivered you final oration. I say this to my young brothers and Men of Morehouse: don't just reach for the stars, be different and discover new ones. I propose an amendment to the "crown" concept: What Morehouse does is implant a seed into her children. Perseverance, commitment and diligence will cause that seed to germinate. You'll discover yourself here and carry that seed of social justice, innovation, and fraternity with you all the days of your life. And that, my brother, is what Morehouse does do right.
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