The Next Step

“Let’s say you have a friend and you two have been kicking for a long while. Everything is going great. No drama; no stress; no confusion whatsoever. Should one press the issue of “what’s next” between the two of them? Or should they just let things play out as whatever happens, happens?”

This sounds interesting. Okay, so let me get the facts straight. You (I mean, your friend) and this “significant other” have developed some sort of relationship over time. When you said “kicking it”, I’m going to assume that they’ve been engaging in some sort of physical intimacy over a period of time. Further, that intimacy is going to require the sharing of some degree of mutual romantic emotion. Also, since you mentioned that everything was going well, it can be implied that both people get along very well together, kind of like two good friends. However, “kicking it for a long while” suggests that they’ve moved beyond the ‘just friends’ phase.

In other words, they like each other. They enjoy each other’s company. They are friends and unofficial lovers at the same time. And from what you said, it seems like that is working well for them. So why change something that works? Why change?

Change can be good or bad in the context of this situation. By pressing the issue of “what’s next”, the relationship they already have can possibly be strengthened. For instance, if I were in your situation and I decide to tell this young lady about the things I’ve been thinking about (i.e. “pressing THE issue”), she might actually feel relieved that I decided to open up to her. Many times, relationships fail because of poor communication. By withholding feelings, ideas, and thoughts, sometimes we limit our relationships. Productive relationships thrive on kinetic, not potential energy (for all you science majors). Unused potential is detrimental and unproductive. Overall, communication is critical to building all types of relationships.

With that said, too much communication could be a risky and bad thing. It really depends on the people involved in the situation. By showing all of your cards, or putting everything out in the open, the significant other might feel like you’re rushing things. He or she might even be frightened by the things you reveal. By “pressing the issue” to a person like this, they might actually become less comfortable around you, or worse, unfortunately. That’s the risk! Once you decide to start talking about “what’s next” and such, you risk the intimacy that has been developed between the two of you.

This is making your head spin. I know. But wait!

On the OTHER hand, being acquiescent and letting things play out is not necessarily the best idea either. Quite simply, you might completely miss your golden opportunity to tell him or her how you feel. If you really have a strong desire to move the relationship in a forward direction, then you shouldn’t be afraid to voice your opinion and justify your cause. Hesitate if you may; someone else will come along and justify THEIR cause. Your words will then fall on deaf ears. You’ll be forced into a timeless zone, reserved for those-who-had-the-opportunity-but-didn’t-take-it. You know some people like that don’t you? Do you really want to be like them? Right. So just go ahead and speak up.

Communication is inherently good. Even if he or she doesn’t react in the way you would like, at least you can always say that you got it off your chest and you tried to move the relationship forward.

My sound advice is to make sure you know the person you’re talking to and exactly what to say to them when the time comes. Some people are attracted to people who take risks and speak their mind. Some people are repelled by such actions. It all just depends on the person.

If all else fails, have a movie night. Watch the great film Love & Basketball with Sanaa Lathan (my ex-wife) and Omar Epps. It's a bit of a chick flick, but it helps.

Disney Racism

My grandparents grew up with transistor radios blasting that old Motown sound and other sounds of cultural change. My parents grew up with color television, MTV, and other forms of media that introduced them to a visual world of various cultures never before seen from the comfort of the home. Each generational cohort is marked by a significant and symbolic innovation of cultural expression. It is no secret that my own generation followed suit with the creative phenomenon known as Disney.

Being the mega-vehicle for creative entertainment that it is, Disney has played an integral part in the cultural development of children, including myself, for decades. Also, because Disney has such a large influence on such a large amount of people, it can be assumed that it has used its media to convey certain messages about situations in life. People typically pattern themselves after a standard they feel is real and true – Buddha, Ghandi, Jesus, etcetera. However, in this case, Disney is that standard. The old adage is true, “with much power comes much responsibility.” The question is, has a powerhouse like Disney abused its authority and undermined its responsibility to children across the world?

Like the “Midas touch”, subliminal messaging and brainwashing is found in just about everything the media touches. Think back to a time when you found yourself unintentionally humming the tune to that irritating cereal commercial that got stuck in your head years ago. The generation of children born in the late 1980s to early 1990s – Generation Y – were happily tormented by an onslaught of these subliminal messages through the mass appeal and distribution of cartoons. At the forefront of the cartoon industry – and all other things that kids love – we find The Walt Disney Company. It would seem that Disney has had a monopoly on cartoons since the fifties when they created Mickey Mouse. The importance of this type of media to Generation Y is undeniable. Since the 1980s, the effectiveness of parent-child relationships has diminished as cartoons have uplifted children with a false sense of reality.

With the throng of the ‘great’ Disney movies in the 1990s, children were introduced and transported to fantastic worlds of happy endings, prince charmings, and magical beasts. Little girls waited impatiently for their “magic carpet ride” and dreamt of being whisked off their feet by a handsome Beast. Young boys hoped they would one day stalk their own fair-skinned Cinderella or maybe even free the legs of a red-headed mermaid. Without doubt, Disney films have crafted the most visually compelling expressions of morality and righteousness for kids and have carved themselves into the hearts of millions. But that’s just surface-level entertainment. What do we see when we plung deeper into the message of the films? Evident in such blockbusters as The Lion King, Aladdin, Beauty and the Beast, and Pocahontas, we find the most fantastic scheme ever devised to program racism, sexism, and blatant disregard for history into the minds of children.

(research-intensive explanation coming soon)