Oh, Sarah!

So, as you may know, Sarah Palin (the nice lady who ran with John McCain for President, once upon a time) is resigning from her office as Governor of Alaska this month. Why? Because she wants to "pursue other goals." Well, today I read that she will continue her career in politics, just not as governor. Lots of people think that she's going to run for president in 2012.. Who knows. But given her recent trends, I wouldn't count her out just yet. She's reportedly going to be making quite a pretty penny on a lecturing tour across the country. I'm sure she won't be making too many stops at any HBCUs or any predominately black establishments that don't cough up money to hear her. (Why would they?)

Also, I've head through the ripe grapevine that she will be continuing her career by contributing in any way possible to other campaigns, both GOP and Democrat. Sound crazy? Not really. Let me explain. By doing this, she gains the support of both her own struggling party and the support of the Democrats. Sooo, if she does run for president, she'll have lots of powerful and wealthy people backing her. And given her (by that time) credentials, she'll look much more mature than the pretty lady we saw John McCain introduce to the world last year. I'm not saying she'll be a top contender (especially if Condolezza gets off her lazy behind and runs, or if the people still love Obama by that time) but she'll at least be taken more seriously.

So, for the record, I'm happy for her and wish her all the luck. (wow, did I say that out loud?)

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090712/ap_on_re_us/us_palin

the Inward Journey

Hello!

So, I've been on this new "inward journey" tip for the past week. Actually, I was on vacation. But it was oddly inspirational. I learned to put all the past trama in the trash and move on with my life. I've been coming across characters in fiction (books and movies) to whom I have taken a liking. They are strong male characters in their respective stories. They are happily satisfied with their lives and they are highly productive. What they have in common is that they all live by a set of rules. That is what I've learned that I must do: live by a set of rules. I need to set some boundaries and standards for myself and my lifestyle. No exceptions. That was my problem. Always making exceptions for people and bending to accomodate someone else's tastes. In reality, they should be striving to reach the bar I have set, not the other way around. So, that is what I have learned over the past week. Set rules. Here's the first one: Don't break the rules! All the subsequent ones are specific to certain situations like women, family, friends, and my goals in life. But they all should follow that first rule. Period.
I think I'll be happier now that I've discovered this.

Oh, and I'm thinking about downloading Wordpress. It looks much cooler than Blogger.

Peace and love.

Why Men Cheat

I need a man’s advice on something I’ve been dealing with for a long time, again and again. My question is very simple. Why do men cheat and think they can get away with it?
Sincerely,
Miss Take
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Dear Miss Take,

First of all, that’s a good question and you aren’t the only one dealing with that issue. Trust me on that one.

To answer your question, I must point of a few interesting things. First, you’re question may be simple, but the answer is complex. I hope you can swallow it. Second, why have you been dealing with this issue “again and again”? Did he cheat on you AGAIN? I’m glad you requested my opinion because some women would have told you that it was his fault that he cheated. Look again. How many times must he cheat on you for you to learn? No offense, but this happens all too much. He cheats, you forgive. He screws up again, you forgive. He thinks he can get away with it now, so you forgive him again! What is this?

I apologize. Now let me answer your question. And keep in mind that what I say in the following only applies to these good-for-nothing cheating men, not the decent men of the world.

First, why do mean cheat anyway? Good question. It can be for any variety of reasons. It all depends on the condition of the relationship and the people involved. Many men cheat simply because they feel that they can get away with it. It’s like cheating in class. If you know you can get away with cheating on a test, then why waste time studying? Just cheat. You’ll get your A anyway. So, women, if there are no punitive measures or repercussions for infidelity, then why should you expect him not to cheat? Don’t be upset if and when he does. Basically, it’s like you’re just letting him do whatever he wants to do. Maybe you should tighten your grip on your man. A dog shouldn’t be let off his leash, ever.

“But what if I trust him?” you ask. Oh please. Why would you trust a dog over your own intuition? Is his name Lassie? Didn’t think so. Ruff ruff!

Further, a man may cheat because you cheated on him first. This is very uncommon simply because the man is usually the one who cheats first. If the woman cheats first, she normally has a good reason to do so and she’ll never get caught. Women are brilliant, right? However, IF it is revealed that you have cheated on him, he’s going to do one of three things: (1) leave you; (2) cheat on you; or (3) a combination of the first two. Also, he’s probably going to want to fight the guy you slept with. He’ll probably lose the fight and look stupid in the process. I digress.

Why does he always get caught, you ask? We men-folk are inferior beings when it comes to the art of infidelity. We have not yet mastered it as have our female counterparts. Let’s look at it one way. Women are naturally the more organized sex. Hence, they will carefully plan out an act of infidelity so that the man will never even suspect something is going on. If he does suspect something, a woman will always have an alibi and a friend to back her up. Pure genius!

Men on the other hand…

Think of cavemen, homo sapien retardenesis. Rubbing rocks together, still trying to make fire and impress the other cavemen. Men are so busy trying to impress other men (yes, I said it correctly) and on the grind to be the first to get the “next best thing” that we sometimes forget to cover our tracks. It’s true. And we pay for our mistakes. Time and time again.

I’m running out of time.

In closing, I say this: choose better men. There are enough of them around. And to the men who are mad at this, do better.

Sincerely,
Doctor J

(one of my articles from The Maroon Tiger student newspaper '08)

The Next Step

“Let’s say you have a friend and you two have been kicking for a long while. Everything is going great. No drama; no stress; no confusion whatsoever. Should one press the issue of “what’s next” between the two of them? Or should they just let things play out as whatever happens, happens?”

This sounds interesting. Okay, so let me get the facts straight. You (I mean, your friend) and this “significant other” have developed some sort of relationship over time. When you said “kicking it”, I’m going to assume that they’ve been engaging in some sort of physical intimacy over a period of time. Further, that intimacy is going to require the sharing of some degree of mutual romantic emotion. Also, since you mentioned that everything was going well, it can be implied that both people get along very well together, kind of like two good friends. However, “kicking it for a long while” suggests that they’ve moved beyond the ‘just friends’ phase.

In other words, they like each other. They enjoy each other’s company. They are friends and unofficial lovers at the same time. And from what you said, it seems like that is working well for them. So why change something that works? Why change?

Change can be good or bad in the context of this situation. By pressing the issue of “what’s next”, the relationship they already have can possibly be strengthened. For instance, if I were in your situation and I decide to tell this young lady about the things I’ve been thinking about (i.e. “pressing THE issue”), she might actually feel relieved that I decided to open up to her. Many times, relationships fail because of poor communication. By withholding feelings, ideas, and thoughts, sometimes we limit our relationships. Productive relationships thrive on kinetic, not potential energy (for all you science majors). Unused potential is detrimental and unproductive. Overall, communication is critical to building all types of relationships.

With that said, too much communication could be a risky and bad thing. It really depends on the people involved in the situation. By showing all of your cards, or putting everything out in the open, the significant other might feel like you’re rushing things. He or she might even be frightened by the things you reveal. By “pressing the issue” to a person like this, they might actually become less comfortable around you, or worse, unfortunately. That’s the risk! Once you decide to start talking about “what’s next” and such, you risk the intimacy that has been developed between the two of you.

This is making your head spin. I know. But wait!

On the OTHER hand, being acquiescent and letting things play out is not necessarily the best idea either. Quite simply, you might completely miss your golden opportunity to tell him or her how you feel. If you really have a strong desire to move the relationship in a forward direction, then you shouldn’t be afraid to voice your opinion and justify your cause. Hesitate if you may; someone else will come along and justify THEIR cause. Your words will then fall on deaf ears. You’ll be forced into a timeless zone, reserved for those-who-had-the-opportunity-but-didn’t-take-it. You know some people like that don’t you? Do you really want to be like them? Right. So just go ahead and speak up.

Communication is inherently good. Even if he or she doesn’t react in the way you would like, at least you can always say that you got it off your chest and you tried to move the relationship forward.

My sound advice is to make sure you know the person you’re talking to and exactly what to say to them when the time comes. Some people are attracted to people who take risks and speak their mind. Some people are repelled by such actions. It all just depends on the person.

If all else fails, have a movie night. Watch the great film Love & Basketball with Sanaa Lathan (my ex-wife) and Omar Epps. It's a bit of a chick flick, but it helps.

Relationships in College

What is it with all these couples hanging around campus? It makes me sick. I just don’t understand why they are wasting time with each other. Everybody knows that college relationships don’t work. Right? So shouldn’t we be more focused on the real reason of being here in college – to get a good education?
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First of all, let’s get one thing straight. If this issue is really making you sick, then you definitely might want to go get that checked out. Stay healthy my brother.

It’s very difficult to maintain a romantic relationship in college. Many, if not most eventually fail. Why? Because college is a time for maximizing your potential for success and for developing your personality as an individual, a.k.a. “finding yourself”. You and I both know that the academic side of college is stressful even without the addition of trying to have a social life. So why do people even try to do this girlfriend/boyfriend thing? The answer is quite simple and is rooted in psychology. I’ll take this time to do a little teaching. Here is my theory.

Assuming that most of the students you see around campus are freshmen, the people you are referring to have just broken out of the adolescent stage. Adolescence is a stage at which we are neither a child nor an adult; life is definitely complex as we attempt to find our own identity, struggle with social interactions, and grapple with moral issues. According to psychological theory, freshmen (aged 18-19) have just begun their first stage of adulthood. This shift in stages also allows for and often demands a shift in which we form relationships with. In adolescence, we are introduced to relationships with peer-related groups. However, we seek more intimate relationships and “love” when we cross over into the adult phase.

Because freshman fall into this transition period, they are more apt to seek out intimate relationships with the great amount of opportunity made available to them during their first few months of college. Put a school full of freshman girls right next door to a school full of freshman guys experiencing this same emotional transitions and you’ve got a formula for some intense connection.

Also, take into consideration the fact that freshman year is a time to get acquainted with the people and environment with whom you will spend the next four (or so) years around. With all this in mind, there is no question that you should see guys and girls all “hugged up” around campus.

But it’s not that they aren’t focused on their studies, although too much “huggin’ up” will most likely cause neglect of academic work and lower performance (its proven!). It’s simply because they are just going through this transition period. As these freshmen mature and grow into the adult phase, which lasts until about 35 years of age, the need for this exploration and intimacy amongst peers will decrease. You don’t see many juniors and seniors engaged in this activity because they have adjusted to the collegiate environment and no longer crave the social interactions as do underclassmen. By the upperclassmen years, usually students are gearing up for long-term status relationships (if anything). Well, actually seniors are too busy trying to graduate for all that mess. But overall, it’s a psychological thing.

To wrap up, I just want to point out that there are pros and cons to any argument about college relationships. It is all relative to the people involved. Some work, some fail. Some people are just looking for easy sex; some people give in to them easily. Overall, don’t chastise people for being in a relationship. Respect the fact that it works for them.

Now, if you’re just angry because you can’t get a girl yourself, then brother… we might need to have a talk about some personal problems.

Disney Racism

My grandparents grew up with transistor radios blasting that old Motown sound and other sounds of cultural change. My parents grew up with color television, MTV, and other forms of media that introduced them to a visual world of various cultures never before seen from the comfort of the home. Each generational cohort is marked by a significant and symbolic innovation of cultural expression. It is no secret that my own generation followed suit with the creative phenomenon known as Disney.

Being the mega-vehicle for creative entertainment that it is, Disney has played an integral part in the cultural development of children, including myself, for decades. Also, because Disney has such a large influence on such a large amount of people, it can be assumed that it has used its media to convey certain messages about situations in life. People typically pattern themselves after a standard they feel is real and true – Buddha, Ghandi, Jesus, etcetera. However, in this case, Disney is that standard. The old adage is true, “with much power comes much responsibility.” The question is, has a powerhouse like Disney abused its authority and undermined its responsibility to children across the world?

Like the “Midas touch”, subliminal messaging and brainwashing is found in just about everything the media touches. Think back to a time when you found yourself unintentionally humming the tune to that irritating cereal commercial that got stuck in your head years ago. The generation of children born in the late 1980s to early 1990s – Generation Y – were happily tormented by an onslaught of these subliminal messages through the mass appeal and distribution of cartoons. At the forefront of the cartoon industry – and all other things that kids love – we find The Walt Disney Company. It would seem that Disney has had a monopoly on cartoons since the fifties when they created Mickey Mouse. The importance of this type of media to Generation Y is undeniable. Since the 1980s, the effectiveness of parent-child relationships has diminished as cartoons have uplifted children with a false sense of reality.

With the throng of the ‘great’ Disney movies in the 1990s, children were introduced and transported to fantastic worlds of happy endings, prince charmings, and magical beasts. Little girls waited impatiently for their “magic carpet ride” and dreamt of being whisked off their feet by a handsome Beast. Young boys hoped they would one day stalk their own fair-skinned Cinderella or maybe even free the legs of a red-headed mermaid. Without doubt, Disney films have crafted the most visually compelling expressions of morality and righteousness for kids and have carved themselves into the hearts of millions. But that’s just surface-level entertainment. What do we see when we plung deeper into the message of the films? Evident in such blockbusters as The Lion King, Aladdin, Beauty and the Beast, and Pocahontas, we find the most fantastic scheme ever devised to program racism, sexism, and blatant disregard for history into the minds of children.

(research-intensive explanation coming soon)

There's No Place Like Home

To many, the old saying: "Home is where the heart is" can be a stimulating motive for comfort and relief when feeling lonely or remote in the world. However, I believe like many things including love and beauty, a "home" and a "heart" can only be sufficiently defined by those attempting to define it. Hence, a home is in the eye of the beholder. I do believe that a home is the dwelling place of a heart and your home can only truly be defined by where your heart is located at a given time. Nevertheless, I have taken the aforementioned quote into my own hands and formed this hypothesis.

If a home is truly the dwelling place of a heart and in the heart we find the peacefulness of a home, then it is suggested that the two can be used interchangeably. The heart, much like the home, must be protected. In doing so, we must choose carefully who we let into our homes. We can't just allow anybody or anything to freely come and go as they/it please(s). When we do so, our hearts become less like homes, and more like houses. In other words, the heart becomes less pure and sincere, often even unconsciously. It becomes less comforting to those who abide in it.

A prolific balladeer once proclaimed that "A chair is still a chair...but a chair is not a house, and a house is not a home". This is true. Splenda will always be Splenda, but will never be real sugar. One is only a downgraded version of the other. Neither is perfect; however, one of them is pure. The song can be interpreted by different people in various ways. However, the main theme is concurrent with my hypothesis. A house will always be a house, but a house will never be as pure as a home/heart.

Further, a house is only temporary. If we continuously allow people to freely travel in an out of our homes as they please, we are allowing a sense of insecurity to fill us to the point where the term "house" doesn't even sufficiently fit the bill. At this point, a heart becomes somewhat of a "hotel". Or should I say "heartbreak hotel"? But what gets me, is that some people like this lifestyle of "hotel-hopping." One of my favorite teachers in high school told me once that I must create a small circle around me. This circle is meant only for me and God to reside. Period. Further out, there is a relatively larger circle, but by no means is it much bigger than the preceding. I cannot let just anyone into this circle - family is about all that would count here. Outside of this ring is the ambiguous circle of friends. This is where the line must be drawn... if I let too many people inside this ring (which is still relatively close to your innermost ring), then that's just more people than can hurt me or take my focus off what needs to be focused on. Look at what happened to Caesar. (laugh out loud.) I don't mean to sound pessimistic, but it's the truth.

Also, I'm not pointing fingers here. Read in between the lines. Like you, my heart is not a house. A house is not a home. Why? Because home is where my heart lives and I just can't let you inside.